pRelationship

It’s been said that it’s not disagreement that causes unhappiness, but its disappointment and anger.  If we learn to eliminate those feelings in ourselves, not only will we be happier, but we can virtually eliminate conflict in our relationships since our partners will find it difficult to stay in conflict with us when we are loving and happy.  So the key method of eliminating anger will be the subject of our current discussion ad hopefully this information will help you eliminate relationship problems.

Every time you find yourself becoming irritated or unhappy, take one of the following steps. They can be taken in any order and repeated as often as you like.

Be Quiet -  Why would you knowingly destroy your own happiness or the love you want in your relationship? But that’s what you do every time you speak to your partner in anger. When you’re angry you will never say anything loving or productive, so therefore, when you’re angry, DO NOT SPEAK.

Be Wrong - You cannot keep up your end of a conflict when you admit that you’re wrong. When you admit that you’re wrong, the fire of the conflict will die for a lack of fuel. So any time you feel disappointment or anger, repeat, “if I’m disappointed or angry, I’m wrong” and you won’t be able to maintain those feelings for long.

Feel loved - Remember that you are loved. We become afraid in a conflict, and subsequently react in anger, only when we don’t feel loved. When we are absolutely certain that we are loved the disagreements and anger of other people are no longer threatening to us. If we feel loved we won’t become afraid and we’ll have no need to get angry.

Get Loved - Sometimes remembering that you are loved is not enough.  You may need to feel loved in the present. You may need to call a loving friend and experience the love personally to eliminate the anger. Find someone who you can talk to honestly and tell the truth about yourself and create the opportunity to feel love unconditionally.

Be Loving - Do something loving. Eliminate your anger by choosing to do something unconditionally loving.  Perform an act of service, have a friendly conversation, thank your partner, touch your partner, tell him/her you love them.  When you’re angry at your partner, you may not feel like doing something loving for him or her. But if you do it anyway, you’ll create an opportunity for both of you to feel the miracle of love in your lives.

There’s a familiar relationship pattern commonly observed among people in which they move quickly into a new relationship or even romance after the old one dies (or, sometimes, while it’s still limping along). This new relationship is often referred to as  “on the rebound.”  Sad and brokenhearted, such a person finds a kindly soul who’s willing to offer a comforting shoulder, a esteem building compliment, an accepting embrace, or even a bed. The kindly soul offers support and relationship advice, believing that this will lead to healing, renewal, and love. And lo and behold, it does — but seldom with the kindly soul.  Often, the person who once seemed a source of comfort now becomes just a reminder of old pain and soon realizes they were just being used to soften the blow of the previous relationship. A happy new life begins — with a happy new partner, someone who wasn’t around for any of the bad old stuff and soon the relationship fades away because it had no real root in genuine love and concern.

If you’re fresh from a breakup, you can recognize this pattern for what it is, and choose to get your comfort from people who don’t want long-term love. If you’re tempted to play the role of the kindly soul, take two steps back and give the rebounder time and space to heal before expressing your interest.

Many couples find themselves challenged by the dynamics of a long distant relationship. They find themselves lost in the maze of trying to maintain and nurture the relationship from a distance yet maintain the freedom that a long distance relationship affords.  On the contrary, to some couples, “dating at a distance” is seen as the best of both worlds. They can live their lives without having to pay constant attention to the needs of a partner. Yet, the enjoy the luxury of having a person with whom they can connect periodically to get a regular dose of romance and fun.

After a while, this can be a double-edged sword, however.

Many couples in long distance relationships find it to be so much fun and, in a way, so low-impact on their day-to-day lives, that they soon become convinced that this relationship is obviously “the one.” And sometimes it is and sometimes it’s not but it’s hard to judge a relationship from a distance.

Perhaps no long distance relationship advice is more important than to be careful. Don’t overestimate a long distance relationship’s potential to translate into a regular relationship where you live in the same town, same home, and are headed towards long-term commitment.

The long distance relationship makes it easy to always be on one’s best behavior. Anyone can be accommodating, flexible, and attentive for a long weekend. This says little, in most cases, about how accommodating, flexible and attentive each party will be if you see each other every day, or even live in the same home.

So the best dating advice for long distance relationships is to always remember: a long distance romance is NOT real life. It can be a wonderful little bubble that floats through real life. Real life happens when you step outside that bubble to incorporate both your habits, idiosyncrasies, faults, families, jobs. Life becomes very different from what it was inside that bubble. Remember the saying “Only fools rush in”.

People are always wondering what they should  do to find their true love and their ultimate soulmate. Many are under the impression that they can just do nothing and that the soulmate will appear out of nowhere and sweep them away.  Others expect soulmates to hit them like lightning out of the blue. They go on looking, while the perfect partner is right there with them every day, listening to them, being available,  and being fully trusting. For those of you who think this way or find themselves in this situation I have news for you. You need to wake up and smell the coffee!  You are about to miss out on one of the most rewarding and life changing experiences of your life. Your true Soulmate.

The key to finding your soulmate is first identifying what a soulmate really is.  It’s very hard to find something when you don’t know what it is or even what it looks like.  So first lets define what a soulmate really is.  A soulmate is first and foremost a best friend. Someone who makes you feel comfortable and is trustable.  So my simple love tip is this, if you have a best friend that is available for a deeper relationship, maybe you should think about him or her. It might be time to realize that those traits that make your friend so perfect are the same traits a soulmate would share.

Taking an “Are you ready for marriage” quiz is a good starting point to find out if you’re prepared to tie the knot, or if your better off waiting. Although the results of the seemingly vague questions will likely give you a sense of relief it is intended to make you think about things that you may not have given much thought to. Many of these little things can sometimes blow up into a big issue later in the marriage.

Although the typical “are you ready for marriage” quiz is usually meant for entertainment and can be a lot of fun, the problem occurs when people take them too seriously. A woman, especially, who is desperate to find a mate and settle down, will look at the questionnaire, manipulate the answers to suit herself, and end up marrying the first available man who comes along. Big mistake! The whole idea of the quiz is that you provide honest answers and really think about the questions and your commitment level to the relationship. The questions are usually focused on the main issues that everyone needs to address before they get married. These issues include the following:

1. Your ability to compromise (not be selfish)
2. Your willingness to let go of control (submit to each other)
3. Your life focus and your similar and compatible life goals
4. Financial stability (necessary resources)
5. Agreement on Issues: religion, kids, family, and commitment
6. Awareness of your partner’s quirks and willingness to accept them
7. Level of trust and openness to discuss anything in the relationship
8. Ability to handle conflict and disagreements without fighting
9. Freedom from all of your past relationships
10. Faith in your relationship (commitment to make it work)

Asking and addressing the tough questions before saying “I do” can help ensure the marriage is long-lasting and fulfilling.

From a business standpoint, dating in the workplace can often be disastrous, particularly if it results in loss work hours, or acrimonious break ups that lead to workplace disasters. An employer can prohibit dating in the workplace, so long as the employer enforces the guidelines consistently – that is, against everyone. Whether dating in the workplace is allowed depends largely on the workplace policies, and is not governed by statutory laws. However, if there is a policy against in the workplace, it is a legal cause for termination.

Workplace dating and romance is well suited for those who spend most of their time at the office. Since most of the population falls under this category, workplace romance has more or less become a universal phenomenon. For a die – hard romantic, an office atmosphere may not be particularly conducive to nurture amorous feelings.

Here are some employee’s dating tips and guidelines given below:

* First check to see if your company has an employee dating policy.  Employee dating is more detrimental in certain occupations than others, so check to see if any company policies exist prior to asking your fellow co – worker out to the movies.
* Develop an office relationship before you develop a romantic relationship. Take the time to learn as much as you can about the co – worker whom you are planning to date. A business lunch will help you judge if asking the co – worker out for a romantic date is a good idea.
* Realize that in reality relationships do not work out like they do on TV. If your dating relationship ends on a sour note, you will still have to work with co – worker. For this reason, it is important to start any relationship out as slow as possible.
* Agree not to flirt at work. After you and your co – worker are dating, agree to set up relationship rules for the workplace. Agree not to inform co – workers or management until you both agree that it is the proper time.
* Develop open communication. When you are in a dual relationship [you have two different types of relationships – business and romantic, with the same person] dating potentially can be conflicted and sometimes downright explosive!

Dating in the workplace and office romance can be fun and more only if you strictly adhere to the rules. The rules we are referring to are not only the ones laid down by your organization but the rules you stipulate for yourselves. Sincerity towards your profession should never be underplayed even if it means giving orders to him/her. In case of something going haywire, apart from feeling emotionally drained, you may create an irreplaceable dent in your career. A careful handling of your affair is most prudent to make an office romance a successful affair.

Over and over we hear about guys who complain about how good they were with their girlfriend, but still she ends up throwing him out of her life. There is always a root cause for a failed relationship and you may be responsible for it. Try distinguishing yourself from other guys who talk bad about their girl and search for the real reason for the split up. If you are seriously searching for ways of getting your girlfriend back this is the most essential step and a step that that many guys never accomplish.

So what is the best way to get back with your ex girlfriend? Start listening.

Don’t call and beg:

Immediately after the breakup, you will be tempted to call her to explain the situation and make her understand that you are the perfect match for her. This can be seen as begging. Write it down, if you really want to get back with your ex girlfriend don’t ever show that you are wild to get her back in your life, or you can totally erase her out of your life for good.

Determine if you actually love her?

What is the real motive in wanting to get back with your ex girlfriend? Is it love or something like going tit for tat. Decide if this relationship is really important to you. Evaluate this relationship. If the positives far outweigh the negatives, and your real motive is love then you should seriously involve yourself in every effort to get back with your ex girlfriend.

Avoid giving promises:

If you really want to get back with your ex girlfriend take the necessary actions to eliminate anything you know that is hindering your relationship. If smoking is the main cause of your breakup, then quit that altogether. Instead of promising her that you’ll quit smoking, go to her after you’ve quit smoking, will she be surprised, you bet. And she will know that you mean business. Smoking was just an example; but this idea will apply to any habit or actions, which your ex disliked a lot. Maybe that was not the reason for your break up at that moment, but it should not turn out to be a reason floating around in the back of her mind. So the only way to impress her about how serious you are about getting back with your ex girlfriend is to let her see the change in you.

Now, the Masterpiece:

It might have taken some time for you to change and improve yourself. But once you have done it, it’s time for the final step. Now just call her nonchalantly like you just wanted to know what’s going on. Talk to her like a friend. Call her to have some coffee with you. Don’t open your mouth about your relationship just talk about her and casually mention all the changes and improvements you have made. Stay calm and keep the focus on her. Let her know you are still interested in her and what’s doing on in her life. If you follow these steps you will have the best chance to get back with your ex girlfriend.

Although sex may seem to be a  natural addition to a healthy relationship between two people who are in love, beware, for it can also become a powerful and dangerous source of imitation love.  In the absence of true love, we desperately want to be valued for something, and many times we settle for sexual attractiveness and being wanted sexually as an acceptable substitute.  We easily confuse the attention and the flattery of someone wanting sex as an indication that the person loves you.  However we fail to realize that when the thrill is gone, we will be soon abandoned to find entertainment and sexual gratification somewhere else.

It is easy to become confused in your pursuit of true love. If you experience the pleasures of sex with someone early in a relationship, before you get to know the person, you soon lose your sense of what’s true and what’s not. You cannot easily distinguish whether you genuinely care about your partner’s happiness (i.e. true love) or you simply enjoy the way he or she pleases you sexually (i.e. imitation love).  The danger of premature sex is that it is so enjoyable that when you get enough of it, you think you are truly happy and you quickly discontinue your search for true happiness and love.

When two people care about each other’s happiness in a committed, exclusive relationship - marriage - physical intimacy becomes a natural expression of love and great fun. However, when two people are involved sexually outside of a marriage relationship, it is often difficult to determine if the relationship is built on mutual care and love for each other or just on the benefits of sexual pleasure.  One easy test of the reality of your love for each other is simple, stop having sex with your partner and tell the truth about yourself and your concern for your partners happiness.  Then determine if your relationship is stable or if you need to move on in search of true love.

Believe it or not, trust is a condition for survival in our everyday society. Even in such simple acts as eating a candy bar or boarding a bus we have to trust that the candy hasn’t been tampered with, or that the bus’s brakes have been checked. The bottom line is that enjoying the benefits of societal living requires that we build a believing dependence upon one another. Yet, in our sometimes impersonal world, being trusted may well represent a greater compliment than being loved.

Interpersonal trust is a general personality trait that applied to one’s ability to fall in love.  Extensive investigations have found that women are more willing to trust others than men. They have also concluded that if you approach a relationship with a high level of distrust, it will probably be harder for you to trust unconditionally and fall in love.  Of course, the amount you confide in and depend on 0ther people can vary over time. The good news is, a reluctance to trust at one point in your life may be in response to a variety of factors and does not mean you’ll be that way forever.  You can change.

If you are a guarded and suspicious person you probably analyze others’ motives too much. Your desire to protect yourself at all costs will prevent you from having meaningful relationships with honest people who deserve your trust.  In contrast,  if you are a trusting person who accepts others as you see them, you will probably fall in love easily. But  you may have a tendency to be so accepting of others that you are gullible and naive.  The goal is to have a proper balance between trust and caution. You must remain open to new relationships but always maintain a fair amount of objectivity when it comes to trusting others and falling in love.

However, interpersonal trust involves risk. When beginning a friendship or a romantic relationship, people often wonder if the possible gain will outweigh the chance of  betrayal or rejection.  It’s impossible to know what the future will hold but it’s almost certain that without taking some risk, nothing will be accomplished, especially when it comes to relationships. So find the necessary balance in your life between trust and caution and you’ll be free to fall in love.

Let’s begin with a question that really gets to the heart of the matter. If most of us have never experienced either giving or receiving Real Love, how do we learn to recognize it and how do we begin to make the choices that will bring it into our lives? This can happen for all of us if we follow these four simple process steps to Real Love relationships.

Step 1.  TRUTH

Only when we set aside our getting behavior (getting people to like us) and our protecting behavior (Protecting ourselves from being hurt) and tell the truth about ourselves can we create the opportunity for others to see who we really are.

Step 2.  SEEN

Only when we are willing to step out and be seen for who we really are will others be willing to do the same. Real people attract real people.

Step 3.  ACCEPTED

Only when we are seen for who we are can we feel genuinely accepted and only then can we believe that other people truly care about our happiness and well being.

Step 4.  LOVE

Only when we tell the truth about ourselves, especially about our mistakes and flaws, can we feel unconditionally accepted and loved. Then and only then can we share the love we have with others and participate in a loving relationship.

As you learn more about the characteristics of Real Love, begin to tell the truth about yourself, and experience the giving and receiving of unconditional acceptance, it will become increasingly easier for you to recognize and find Real Love.