pRelationship

Found another great article from Bob Grant that gets to the very heart of a problem a lot of women have when it comes to progressing in a relationship.  It has some great insights and tips for women who are struggling with attracting  developing relationships with men. Most women have been told that men don’t like women who are needy or overly emotional.   This may have sounded like good advice but it’s only a half truth. Men also do not like women who show no emotion or passion and are totally independent. That’s the other side of the coin. Let it be known up front that playing it cool and acting emotionally detached as a lifestyle doesn’t work very well with men. However, when it comes to getting a man back after a breakup, playing it cool, can be very helpful in restoring a failing relationship.

Let’s go a little further and you’ll see why. They’ve probably had experiences that validated those stereotypes about men. Perhaps one of a woman’s past boyfriends complained about the fact that she wanted to spend too much time together. He may have said something to the extent of, “Why can’t you be happy doing your own thing?” This may give the false impression that he is saying the she is too “needy”. But that is not necessarily the case.

Another example: Other women get married and hear from their husbands something similar to that statement. For example, a man might ask, “Why do you get upset when I don’t want to spend as much time together as you do?” Regardless of how you interpret these messages, it can hurt when a man you care about seems to look down on your desire for closeness and intimacy. As a result, a woman’s response is often predictable. In an effort to not appear “needy”, many women choose to overcompensate and make certain that they can never be accused of being weak, stupid or needy. They learn to manage their feelings and to never complain unless they have ample evidence that justifies their feelings. In short, they learn to “play it cool” and act as if very little upsets them.

But what happens when women choose this path? They accomplish their goal of appearing strong and self sufficient. In time, all of the men in their life will soon respect them but very few are attracted to them. It’s a perfectly safe way to live, and there’s nothing wrong with this approach. It’s just lonely.

Professional women, both married and single, boast about how they don’t need a man, but they’d just like an equal relationship based on mutual respect. But because their relationships lack passion, they wonder why being independent and strong doesn’t seem to be valued by men.

The answer is that while these women have trained men to respect them, in the process, they have abandoned what men really want - to be cherished. Why can’t they have both? A relationship is about complimentary styles working together to create a whole. In the work environment, all  interactions are about being respected. But in a relationship, a man wants to cherish a woman, not respect her. This requires her to learn how to put her heart first.

Have you ever seen those women who are NOT as the most attractive or sophisticated, but they just “know” how to attract men and drive them “crazy” with desire? They have a “natural” ability to be irresistible to men, so men are always asking them out and working hard for their attention.

So let me ask you? Whether you’re married or single, are you ready to stop acting like you don’t need a man? Do you want to experience the joy that comes from being cherished or do you insist that he respects you?
It’s true, it is safer playing it cool, but a man won’t feel passion for such a woman. So if you chose that path, prepare to be lonely.

I found this article to be right on point and filled with good advice for women when it comes to communicating with men.  It clearly explains how to tell him what you want and how you feel without shutting him down. Thought I’d share it with you.

For so long, women have asked this simple, but elusive question, “Why does he shut down when I start to talk about how I feel and what I want?” What seems so perplexing is that they can remember a time (usually early in their dating relationship) when they felt they could say anything to him without hesitation.  In addition, they can also remember that he actually seemed to enjoy these discussions that were often full of emotions. So they are left to ask themselves - “Why did he change?” or even worse…”What did I do wrong?”
Let me explain what’s happening to him during this process.

Men have the capacity to feel emotions for shorter periods of time than women. Put another way, when men feel, they feel intensely, and then they crash. This applies to sex, when they feel romantic and applies anything else in their life that arouses their passions. Even though I hear women tell me that they understand this point, I have found it is still hard for them to accept when this scenario happens in their relationships.
When a man is very attentive and hyper focused on what you are saying, I want you to remember this…it isn’t going to last. Even though it feels wonderful to be adored in such a captivating manner that is often intoxicating, you must remind yourself not to expect it to last indefinitely. The good news is that if you know how to respond when he does pull away, you will hasten his emotional awakening to you.

The process looks like this:
A man feels intensely about you.
Then he cools off (he needs to take an emotional break).
Then he warms up again and feels intensely.
Then he cools off.
Continue and repeat.

Here is some good advice for women about the things you shouldn’t do. In fact, if you take the following actions, he’ll stay emotionally distant for much longer:
1) Don’t ask him to explain his feelings.
2) Don’t tell him how much it hurts you when he doesn’t talk.
3) Don’t beg him to ……..(Really, don’t ever beg him for anything. You’ll end up driving him away)

Instead you should do the following. When he is quiet, sit with him. Don’t say anything. When you do this, both of you will find that it becomes just a bit tense - uncomfortable. You want this to happen. Silence is uncomfortable but in this case silence is your friend. If you can practice allowing there to be silence between both of you, you will notice him beginning to ask you questions.
“What’s wrong,” he’ll say.
“What?”
When he does, just smile. He’s not ready just yet, but he is curious. Now you’ll have him thinking and wondering. Most women would never consider such a tactic, which is what will make you stand out in his eyes. Shortly, he’ll not only start talking, but he’ll find himself focused on you.

I see so many people asking questions about how to get a men to commit to a relationship. Most of the time the women are frustrated when they’ve done everything they know to do (which is usually too much) and their man still shies away from commitment.  They think  maybe he just doesn’t know how to communicate his commitment and they assume he is committed.  (Big mistake). Or often they think it’s something they haven’t done or something they haven’t done enough of that will win his heart and get him to commit.

One of the biggest secrets that most women don’t understand is that a man who has difficulty with commitment is also a man that is afraid of being abandoned. Women think that they are the only ones concerned with security in a relationship. They fail to realize that men are also concerned with security and will often think of vulnerability when faced with the decision of commitment. Will I go through all they steps to open up and become vulnerable just to see it all go down the tubes in the future. They may be basing this on a previous experience or the experience of a close friend.

Either way, women must understand that the only way to get him to commit is to alleviate his fears and let him know that through it all you are committed to him. Follow this link  more relationship advice or go to  www.Prelationship.com

Many women are clueless when it come to understanding a man especially when he is quiet and has few words to say.  But when a man does open his mouth to talk it is imperative for the woman to know and understand what he is saying. If she doesn’t, chances are he will think twice before opening his mouth again and will turn into the dreaded “silent man” that most women are desperately trying to avoid. Here are a few relationship tips for women when it comes to understanding what a man means when he says things. It’s not all inclusive but gives some incite into the common responses men give and what they really mean.

1) He Says: “I don’t want to talk about it.”

This phrase could usually mean one of two things, depending on the situation.
Situation A: If you are attempting to convince him that your point of view is right and his is wrong, then his response means: I’m not going to agree with you right now, and if we don’t stop talking then we’re going to get into a
huge fight.”

Suggestion: Leave him alone for now. Unless your relationship depends on resolving this issue immediately, then bring it up later (next day).

If he’s upset, not at you or with you, but simply because he is having a bad day (i.e., a bad day a work, his car broke down, etc..), then the above response means: “It feels embarrassing that this is bothering me so much. I’m feeling out of control.”

Suggestion: Say this to him in a soft voice, “Are you sure?” and then wait. If he says that he does not want to discuss it, then wait a few moments and once again say, - “Are you sure?” Most of the time when you ask it a second time he’ll start opening up to you and (even better) he bond with you because you were soft and persistent.

2) He Says: “We should hang out sometime.”
He Means: “I’m not sure if I think you’re special enough to take a risk on inviting you out on a date. Let’s hang out as friends and see if I feel you are worthy of my time and attention.”

Suggestion: Don’t agree to this. Just smile at him without responding. That should be all the encouragement a man needs. Guys that are easily bored or impulsive want lots of assurances before they proceed to date a woman. They types of men, although often attractive to women, usually make terrible partners.

3) He Says: “That’s not what I meant.”
He Means: “You’re not listening to me.”

Suggestion: Listening is not the same as agreeing. If he doesn’t feel that you’re listening to him, then you have no chance in getting him to understand your point of view. Even though you may well have understood him, he does not necessarily know that. Often in a discussion or disagreement, one person who in fact may clearly understand the other, makes a quick counterpoint. That is fine if you are in a debate, but terrible for romance.

Suggestion: Slow it down. Make sure that you clearly convey that you’ve understood exactly what he is saying and then proceed (slowly). By doing this you’ll be able to determine if he is attempting to avoid responsibility, lying, or if he truly wants to resolve the issue.

Ever wonder why some people are easily noticed in a crowded room and some go totally unnoticed? This relationship tip for both women and men will get you noticed if you practice it on a regular basis.

I saw this story about Ian Ziering (from the popular 1990’s TV show 90210) that describes his first impression of his new wife.

They met at a Labor Day party at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood in 2009. In a sea of $600 stilettos, $700 bikinis, $800 sunglasses and $900 hair extensions, Erin (his wife) walked in wearing flip-flops, a simple black bikini, Ray-Bans and a ponytail. He was totally mesmerized.

I was struck by what he said and what he didn’t. Most women would love to be noticed in a crowded room and have a man be instantly smitten. However, to accomplish this goal, women often focus on the wrong things. Perfect hair, perfect body, perfect smile, perfect… are you noticing a theme?

But when I (or someone else) suggests to a woman that there is more to attracting and keeping a man than simply being perfect, they smile and say, “I know, I know.” But they don’t believe me because of their bad experiences. In the past, some man has told them that if they weren’t so (overweight, talkative, controlling, needy, etc.), the relationship wouldn’t be ending. So they decide that the way they are - isn’t enough. What I mean by “enough” is that they believe that they are not pretty enough, skinny enough, confident enough and so forth.

It’s not true, you know. Being perfect will certainly get you more invitations and more men turning their heads to look at you, but that wasn’t the quality that Mr. Ziering noticed in his wife. You see, it wasn’t what she wore or the particular style of her hair. It was what came from within that made her outfit and her hairstyle so radiant. In fact, he noticed it so strongly that he married this woman 9 months after they met.

I’m also sure that you’ve probably experienced this yourself at least once in your life. Those times when it seemed every guy was interested in you. Or if you’re in a relationship, can you remember when your man couldn’t seem to get enough of you?  Wouldn’t you like to have that effect most of the time?     Guess what, you can, but here is the catch. This trait isn’t always easy to develop. It takes some practice. It doesn’t take forever; yet, it isn’t something you can develop in a day.

In fact, those women that struggle to obtain this magic usually have one thing in common. They’re impatient. They want it now. When it doesn’t work with every guy - every time they say, “This stuff doesn’t work.” Then they continue to wonder why the relationship they’ve always dreamed of never seems to show up in their lives.

I want to tell you that it can happen. But if you’d like things to be different, then you’ll have to do different things. Simply keeping the same habits and beliefs won’t change your circumstances. Additionally, keeping old habits absolutely won’t cause men to look at you the way Ian Ziering looked at his future wife. But if you want that kind of power, and I mean really want it, then it’s yours for the taking.

Let me show you how to put your heart first, and ahead of any man.  I’ll give you the tip that will cause men to look at you differently - if you agree to try it for at least 3 weeks.

Treat every guy/girl the same.

Be nice to the ugly guy/girl and the overweight one. Listen to the one who you think is boring and bald. Oh I know, he might just ask you out, but that is a problem you want to have. You see there is no magic formula for only attracting the man or woman you want. There is only the magic that attracts men and women. Those you want and those you don’t. You’ll end up turning down most of these invitations but something inside of you will begin to change.

Practice treating them all the same, and I promise that the ones you like will notice that you seem to have a content beauty that makes you stand out across a crowded room, even if you’re just wearing flip flops with your hair in a ponytail.

Give it a try for 3 weeks straight and report back with your results. You’ll be amazed.

I ran across a great article from one of my favorite media experts on relationships, Bob Grant.  It’s entitled “She Admires - He Cherishes”.  It really drives the point across about what REALLY turns a man’s fancy and what really makes a fulfilling relationship. Read and enjoy:

“What does a healthy relationship look like? Some people believe that this means that two people engaging in a mutually respectful relationship. On paper that may sound good. But to be honest, there’s no passion in that kind of safe and sterile relationship. A relationship that is full of passion has many characteristics. There is one in particular that I wanted to point out.”

Note, one  major key ingredient to a fulfilling relationship is passion.

“The best relationships don’t focus on equality, but rather on two people complimenting each other. This is like two pieces of a puzzle. Each one needs the other to be complete. If you want the type of man that makes you feel special most of the time, then I’d like to make a suggestion. Forget trying to get him to talk about his feelings all the time. Stop asking him questions that are designed to make him reaffirm his love for you. Instead, for the next few weeks focus on pointing out anything he does that you are impressed by.”

Note, the key is focusing on giving to get what you want.  Give him admiration and he will cherish you.

“Talk to him about anything that he does that you feel is special or kind. In other words, look for ways to show your admiration for him.If you do, you’ll stand out in his mind from any other woman he has every dated. And here is the reason why. Most women are very observant early on in a relationship because they tend to emote emotions. If you didn’t know, a man feeds off of that emotion, and for women it’s quite effortless to do this when she’s interested in a man. What happens in most relationships is that each partner begins to take the other for granted, and each wonders where the romantic spark went.”

Key Point!  Men feed off positive emotion. Especially when it’s in response to something they have done or something that relates to them.

“The truth is that relationships often die due to neglect. If you want to revive your relationship, try this. Whenever he does something you like, don’t just acknowledge it - show your emotions. I’m not asking you to lie or pretend you like something that you don’t, but I am saying this, “Don’t hold back your emotion when you like something he does.” When you show your admiration, he’ll be reminded why he pursued you at the beginning of your relationship. As those feelings get stirred up in his heart, you’ll soon see that he will want to cherish you all over again.”

Remember, show and tell and you’ll get and receive.

Self-esteem plays a major factor in the frequency of your dating experience.  If you are looking to date successfully you need to increase your confidence level.  Increasing your confidence and self-esteem takes effort. Some things are easy to change, while others will take time and lots of practice. Remember, “Nothing can be achieved without trying”.  Unless you feel good about yourself, the only way you will attract someone is through an online dating service. Even then it’s likely that the person you attract will soon discover your true feeling about yourself.   Follow these dating tips to give your confidence a boost.

• Are you Prepared? Establish whether you’re truly ready to meet someone new. If so, then proceed. If not, take your time.
• Know your weaknesses. - Make two lists. The first is a list of  all the things you are not comfortable with about yourself. Be brutally honest. The second is a list of  things you think people may not like about you. Get a second opinion, too. Include the way you look and the way you dress. Things you can readily change.
• Take short term action. Change the things you think you can do better. By changing the most basic aspects of your looks, lifestyle and regime, you will instantly feel more confident. You will have a new you.
• Reflect - Take a good look at the new you. Ensure you are comfortable with any changes you make.
• Take long term action. Make sure you are in shape or attempting to be. If you are dieting or exercising, remember to be patient as these changes will take a little while.  Start to change the habits and routines that drag you down. Your confidence will grow as you feel better about yourself and others will sense it.
• Change your associations. If you associate with negative people or people who criticize you, lose them fast. Start doing the things you wish you had always had the courage to do, like a hobby, sport or society. Then find people who enjoy the same things. Surround yourself with like minded people as often as possible.
• Change your attitudes. Learn to enjoy the smaller things in life and give yourself time specifically for these things. If you like to cook for friends, then start having dinner parties. Don’t wait for others to invite you out.  Stop accepting second best. Start making yourself the first priority. Learn to like and love yourself for who you are and what you want from your life. Do not allow negative family comments to influence you in any way.
• Broaden your perspectives. - By looking and feeling good about yourself and widening your horizons, your life will begin to change for the better and your confidence levels will go up. Be selective about what kind of person you really like. And by the same token, talk to everyone. The more people who are interested, the higher your confidence levels. Make conversation with the nice people you meet along the way. Become sociable and look good at every opportunity. Be your own best advert.
• Start dating. If someone asks you out, accept. Set yourself some life goals as well as romantic goals. Other people love to be associated with driven and goal-orientated people. Confidence breeds confidence. Be proactive and ask someone out. Just do it, and accept freely that some people will say no. Many will also say yes. Remember that your confidence levels will become sky high by people saying yes to you. This will happen when you select the right kind of dates, so keep a realistic approach to dating. Walk away from anything you don’t like and instill a positive mental attitude in everything you do.
• Keep it going. Stick with it and just keep going. Don’t go back to what there was before. That’s over.

Women are always looking for tips and advice about how to get closer to a man.  It true that every woman wants to bond with her man emotionally but very few know what’s most important  concerning getting a man to bond with you.  My first advice is to remember and recognize that men don’t bond the same way as women.  So the methods they use to bond with other women will not work with a man.

When women ask how to get closer to the man they love, they are often implying something different. What they are really asking is “How do I get him to bond with me the way that I want?”,  “How can I get him to be more romantic?” or “How can I make him share his feelings more?”

Notice that what they are asking in the statements above is “How do I get him to want to do what I do?” The first thing that a woman needs to do is to realize that bonding with a man isn’t the same as getting him to do what she wants.

Once you have made this realization, you will see that getting a man to bond with you is simpler than most women realize. You must understand there is a process that must be followed and these next few relationship tips and advice for women will help you follow that process. However, this process doesn’t usually involve the activities that most women would prefer.  For a man, one of the greatest thrills is having a woman share a wonderful activity that HE enjoys.

Women, take careful note of this important tip;

If you don’t stir up his emotions, he won’t connect with you on the level that you want.

Which brings us to the next point- what causes his emotions to be stirred is most likely not what affects your emotions. That’s why going on a picnic or watching a romantic movie doesn’t have much of an effect on a man. Men bond through a shared activity. On the other hand, women bond though shared words and thoughts. Sitting down next to him while he’s watching a football game may seem as exciting as watching paint dry to you, but for him it’s pure heaven. He’s got you close and he gets to watch something he enjoys. The mistake many women make is they sit with a man while he watches something he enjoys and tries to talk to him. Woman, that’s not the time for talking!

The good news is that you don’t have to do this all the time. Just every so often, step into his world of sports, hobbies or whatever interests him as his partner. You’ll soon begin to notice how close he feels toward you.

Many women are so easily caught up in conversation about day to day things and the event of the household that they fail to share the most important things with their man. As a result of this oversight, many men become uninterested and numb to the constant dialog of their woman. So my advice for the woman to keep the relationship fresh and on track, it that it’s important for woman to share these 3 things regularly with their man. If they don’t, sooner or later he may find someone else who will.

1.   He wants you to share when you’re proud of him…  If you didn’t know this already, men really like to show off.  Just be sure it’s something you really do like because if you praise him, you’ll likely get more of it.

2.   He wants you to share when you’re upset, and let him know what he can do to help…  The important thing is to give him a task that he can do to help. If you just want him to listen - tell him.  Don’t expect him to “just know” that is what you need.  A man often feels like he’s being weak just sitting there while you’re hurting.  He wants to fix it.  Ask him to listen, and tell him how good that makes you feel.

3.    He wants you to share when you’re excited and happy…  If more women only understood how important it is for a man to be able to make you happy, it would change the complexion of many a relationship. Remember, men aren’t nearly as intuitive as your girlfriends are.  Men learn by watching your reaction. A good reaction (full of nice happy feelings) means do this more. A bad reaction (when you cry or get upset) means don’t do that again.

Yes ladies, men really are that simple….

When it comes to giving the wrong impression there is one thing that believe it or not nearly all women do. Yet, they never realize they are doing it. I try not to make such an issue of it but part of the reason that I point this behavior out is that it actually comes across as unattractive to men. So what is that women do that give men the wrong impression and make them unattractive?

Most women don’t receive compliments well.

Actually, a more honest statement would be that most women are terrible at receiving compliments. They don’t want others to think they are arrogant, snobby or even worse - a b###ch. But in an attempt not to appear conceited, they fail to understand the impression they give to a man.

Here is one of the most important relationship tips for women. Ladies, learn how to properly receive compliments. When a man compliments you, he’s actually giving you something - like a flower or a gift. If you minimize his words, he feels like you are belittling his gift. If you do that enough times, you’ll train him not to give you these gifts or compliments at all. In effect, you’re telling him you don’t believe the nice thing he said about you. He won’t think you’re being humble, instead, he’ll soon believe that he was mistaken to believe or think it himself.

So what should you do?

When a man compliments you, do these three simple things:
1) Stop and look him in the eyes,
2) Smile (A genuine smile is the most effective)
3) Simply say “thank you.”

Oh, I realize it sounds simple, and it is. But if you begin doing this, you’ll find that it becomes a natural response. At first, receiving a compliment can be unnerving. It takes practice. But from a man’s perspective, it conveys confidence and here’s a tip ladies, it’s very attractive!