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One of the main problems in relationships is the inability of partners to take feedback and criticism. Many times constructive criticism can end up being destructive to the relationship.  This doesn’t have to be the case is we understand what criticism really is.

Lets first define criticism in a way that will make this topic a lot more palatable: “Criticism, the request for adjustment in behavior from another”. Yes, criticism is a normal part of life, part of friction we feel dealing with each other and our own individual preferences. But it doesn’t have to be always seen as a negative event.

The common view of criticism is that it is offensive, an insult, an affront, an attack. Perhaps it is all those things sometimes, but most often, it is none of those, especially when you have the right perspective. In a true relationship, criticism often means that the person cares enough about the relationship to risk causing a negative reaction. Otherwise why bother asking for change?

The key is that we do not give feedback to people we do not want in our lives. We only take the risk to give feedback to the people who we want to keep; who we hope will accommodate our desires, at least somewhat.

We all have issues, we all do things that are not good for us, not good for those around us. And so when someone cares enough to risk giving us feedback, perhaps we should take that as a sign of caring, of love, rather than being offended. Feedback, because it involves so much risk for the person giving feedback, is an act of courage and caring.

Feedback can be an opportunity for building intimacy, if taken correctly. Feedback shows you that you are being seen and being noticed. When someone gives feedback, this can be a door to true intimacy, because intimacy begins with seeing each other.

Want the moment of criticism or feedback to be a door for more intimacy and love in your relationship, as opposed to the moment the relationship breaks or ends? Here’s how.  When getting feedback or criticism, open your heart, even thought it may hurt or it may make you feel ashamed that you are not perfect.

Here are 5  simple relationship tips and steps to follow when you receive criticism.

1) Dig deep, look for the reasons you do what you do, share them with the person giving you feedback.

2) Ask him or her what the intent of the criticism or feedback was. Ask him or her what she or he was trying to achieve by verbalizing the feedback. When you hear that he or she wants you, except this one thing needs to change, hear that.

3) Consider perhaps if that one thing is something you already think you need to change for yourself? If so this is just confirmation of what you already know. Take it as such.

4) Ask yourself truthfully, Would your life be better if you changed that thing?

5) Consider whether you should be hurt because someone can see you; because yet another person asks you to change the same thing as many other people have asked for? Or perhaps you could consider being grateful, because you end up with people in your life who care about your enough to ask for an alteration so that they can keep you in their life. Don’t let pride and shame stop you from performing this important step.

Taking feedback and allowing it to mold you into a better, more open, and flexible person is the key. It’s also a great way to build relationships, as you turn potentially relationship-killing situations into opportunities for more closeness.

Found another great article from Bob Grant that gets to the very heart of a problem a lot of women have when it comes to progressing in a relationship.  It has some great insights and tips for women who are struggling with attracting  developing relationships with men. Most women have been told that men don’t like women who are needy or overly emotional.   This may have sounded like good advice but it’s only a half truth. Men also do not like women who show no emotion or passion and are totally independent. That’s the other side of the coin. Let it be known up front that playing it cool and acting emotionally detached as a lifestyle doesn’t work very well with men. However, when it comes to getting a man back after a breakup, playing it cool, can be very helpful in restoring a failing relationship.

Let’s go a little further and you’ll see why. They’ve probably had experiences that validated those stereotypes about men. Perhaps one of a woman’s past boyfriends complained about the fact that she wanted to spend too much time together. He may have said something to the extent of, “Why can’t you be happy doing your own thing?” This may give the false impression that he is saying the she is too “needy”. But that is not necessarily the case.

Another example: Other women get married and hear from their husbands something similar to that statement. For example, a man might ask, “Why do you get upset when I don’t want to spend as much time together as you do?” Regardless of how you interpret these messages, it can hurt when a man you care about seems to look down on your desire for closeness and intimacy. As a result, a woman’s response is often predictable. In an effort to not appear “needy”, many women choose to overcompensate and make certain that they can never be accused of being weak, stupid or needy. They learn to manage their feelings and to never complain unless they have ample evidence that justifies their feelings. In short, they learn to “play it cool” and act as if very little upsets them.

But what happens when women choose this path? They accomplish their goal of appearing strong and self sufficient. In time, all of the men in their life will soon respect them but very few are attracted to them. It’s a perfectly safe way to live, and there’s nothing wrong with this approach. It’s just lonely.

Professional women, both married and single, boast about how they don’t need a man, but they’d just like an equal relationship based on mutual respect. But because their relationships lack passion, they wonder why being independent and strong doesn’t seem to be valued by men.

The answer is that while these women have trained men to respect them, in the process, they have abandoned what men really want - to be cherished. Why can’t they have both? A relationship is about complimentary styles working together to create a whole. In the work environment, all  interactions are about being respected. But in a relationship, a man wants to cherish a woman, not respect her. This requires her to learn how to put her heart first.

Have you ever seen those women who are NOT as the most attractive or sophisticated, but they just “know” how to attract men and drive them “crazy” with desire? They have a “natural” ability to be irresistible to men, so men are always asking them out and working hard for their attention.

So let me ask you? Whether you’re married or single, are you ready to stop acting like you don’t need a man? Do you want to experience the joy that comes from being cherished or do you insist that he respects you?
It’s true, it is safer playing it cool, but a man won’t feel passion for such a woman. So if you chose that path, prepare to be lonely.

I found this article to be right on point and filled with good advice for women when it comes to communicating with men.  It clearly explains how to tell him what you want and how you feel without shutting him down. Thought I’d share it with you.

For so long, women have asked this simple, but elusive question, “Why does he shut down when I start to talk about how I feel and what I want?” What seems so perplexing is that they can remember a time (usually early in their dating relationship) when they felt they could say anything to him without hesitation.  In addition, they can also remember that he actually seemed to enjoy these discussions that were often full of emotions. So they are left to ask themselves - “Why did he change?” or even worse…”What did I do wrong?”
Let me explain what’s happening to him during this process.

Men have the capacity to feel emotions for shorter periods of time than women. Put another way, when men feel, they feel intensely, and then they crash. This applies to sex, when they feel romantic and applies anything else in their life that arouses their passions. Even though I hear women tell me that they understand this point, I have found it is still hard for them to accept when this scenario happens in their relationships.
When a man is very attentive and hyper focused on what you are saying, I want you to remember this…it isn’t going to last. Even though it feels wonderful to be adored in such a captivating manner that is often intoxicating, you must remind yourself not to expect it to last indefinitely. The good news is that if you know how to respond when he does pull away, you will hasten his emotional awakening to you.

The process looks like this:
A man feels intensely about you.
Then he cools off (he needs to take an emotional break).
Then he warms up again and feels intensely.
Then he cools off.
Continue and repeat.

Here is some good advice for women about the things you shouldn’t do. In fact, if you take the following actions, he’ll stay emotionally distant for much longer:
1) Don’t ask him to explain his feelings.
2) Don’t tell him how much it hurts you when he doesn’t talk.
3) Don’t beg him to ……..(Really, don’t ever beg him for anything. You’ll end up driving him away)

Instead you should do the following. When he is quiet, sit with him. Don’t say anything. When you do this, both of you will find that it becomes just a bit tense - uncomfortable. You want this to happen. Silence is uncomfortable but in this case silence is your friend. If you can practice allowing there to be silence between both of you, you will notice him beginning to ask you questions.
“What’s wrong,” he’ll say.
“What?”
When he does, just smile. He’s not ready just yet, but he is curious. Now you’ll have him thinking and wondering. Most women would never consider such a tactic, which is what will make you stand out in his eyes. Shortly, he’ll not only start talking, but he’ll find himself focused on you.

Many women are clueless when it come to understanding a man especially when he is quiet and has few words to say.  But when a man does open his mouth to talk it is imperative for the woman to know and understand what he is saying. If she doesn’t, chances are he will think twice before opening his mouth again and will turn into the dreaded “silent man” that most women are desperately trying to avoid. Here are a few relationship tips for women when it comes to understanding what a man means when he says things. It’s not all inclusive but gives some incite into the common responses men give and what they really mean.

1) He Says: “I don’t want to talk about it.”

This phrase could usually mean one of two things, depending on the situation.
Situation A: If you are attempting to convince him that your point of view is right and his is wrong, then his response means: I’m not going to agree with you right now, and if we don’t stop talking then we’re going to get into a
huge fight.”

Suggestion: Leave him alone for now. Unless your relationship depends on resolving this issue immediately, then bring it up later (next day).

If he’s upset, not at you or with you, but simply because he is having a bad day (i.e., a bad day a work, his car broke down, etc..), then the above response means: “It feels embarrassing that this is bothering me so much. I’m feeling out of control.”

Suggestion: Say this to him in a soft voice, “Are you sure?” and then wait. If he says that he does not want to discuss it, then wait a few moments and once again say, - “Are you sure?” Most of the time when you ask it a second time he’ll start opening up to you and (even better) he bond with you because you were soft and persistent.

2) He Says: “We should hang out sometime.”
He Means: “I’m not sure if I think you’re special enough to take a risk on inviting you out on a date. Let’s hang out as friends and see if I feel you are worthy of my time and attention.”

Suggestion: Don’t agree to this. Just smile at him without responding. That should be all the encouragement a man needs. Guys that are easily bored or impulsive want lots of assurances before they proceed to date a woman. They types of men, although often attractive to women, usually make terrible partners.

3) He Says: “That’s not what I meant.”
He Means: “You’re not listening to me.”

Suggestion: Listening is not the same as agreeing. If he doesn’t feel that you’re listening to him, then you have no chance in getting him to understand your point of view. Even though you may well have understood him, he does not necessarily know that. Often in a discussion or disagreement, one person who in fact may clearly understand the other, makes a quick counterpoint. That is fine if you are in a debate, but terrible for romance.

Suggestion: Slow it down. Make sure that you clearly convey that you’ve understood exactly what he is saying and then proceed (slowly). By doing this you’ll be able to determine if he is attempting to avoid responsibility, lying, or if he truly wants to resolve the issue.

Women are always looking for tips and advice about how to get closer to a man.  It true that every woman wants to bond with her man emotionally but very few know what’s most important  concerning getting a man to bond with you.  My first advice is to remember and recognize that men don’t bond the same way as women.  So the methods they use to bond with other women will not work with a man.

When women ask how to get closer to the man they love, they are often implying something different. What they are really asking is “How do I get him to bond with me the way that I want?”,  “How can I get him to be more romantic?” or “How can I make him share his feelings more?”

Notice that what they are asking in the statements above is “How do I get him to want to do what I do?” The first thing that a woman needs to do is to realize that bonding with a man isn’t the same as getting him to do what she wants.

Once you have made this realization, you will see that getting a man to bond with you is simpler than most women realize. You must understand there is a process that must be followed and these next few relationship tips and advice for women will help you follow that process. However, this process doesn’t usually involve the activities that most women would prefer.  For a man, one of the greatest thrills is having a woman share a wonderful activity that HE enjoys.

Women, take careful note of this important tip;

If you don’t stir up his emotions, he won’t connect with you on the level that you want.

Which brings us to the next point- what causes his emotions to be stirred is most likely not what affects your emotions. That’s why going on a picnic or watching a romantic movie doesn’t have much of an effect on a man. Men bond through a shared activity. On the other hand, women bond though shared words and thoughts. Sitting down next to him while he’s watching a football game may seem as exciting as watching paint dry to you, but for him it’s pure heaven. He’s got you close and he gets to watch something he enjoys. The mistake many women make is they sit with a man while he watches something he enjoys and tries to talk to him. Woman, that’s not the time for talking!

The good news is that you don’t have to do this all the time. Just every so often, step into his world of sports, hobbies or whatever interests him as his partner. You’ll soon begin to notice how close he feels toward you.

Many women are so easily caught up in conversation about day to day things and the event of the household that they fail to share the most important things with their man. As a result of this oversight, many men become uninterested and numb to the constant dialog of their woman. So my advice for the woman to keep the relationship fresh and on track, it that it’s important for woman to share these 3 things regularly with their man. If they don’t, sooner or later he may find someone else who will.

1.   He wants you to share when you’re proud of him…  If you didn’t know this already, men really like to show off.  Just be sure it’s something you really do like because if you praise him, you’ll likely get more of it.

2.   He wants you to share when you’re upset, and let him know what he can do to help…  The important thing is to give him a task that he can do to help. If you just want him to listen - tell him.  Don’t expect him to “just know” that is what you need.  A man often feels like he’s being weak just sitting there while you’re hurting.  He wants to fix it.  Ask him to listen, and tell him how good that makes you feel.

3.    He wants you to share when you’re excited and happy…  If more women only understood how important it is for a man to be able to make you happy, it would change the complexion of many a relationship. Remember, men aren’t nearly as intuitive as your girlfriends are.  Men learn by watching your reaction. A good reaction (full of nice happy feelings) means do this more. A bad reaction (when you cry or get upset) means don’t do that again.

Yes ladies, men really are that simple….

If you are  stressed and unhappy and it seems like you going in circles with your relationship here are some relationship tips and relationship advice to help you in your situation.

First, if you both have time,  seek counseling together and allow things to be dealt with from both sides about the current situation.   I recommend you not rush to any decisions on either side but rather set up an appointment as soon as you can with a counselor.

However, if the stress of the relationship is taking a heavy toll on you in terms of health and well-being it might be wise,  despite your fear of being on your own,  to end this relationship and look for a healthier one.  One that will make you feel fulfilled and not overly dependent. Be honest with yourself if you sense that your stressful and unhappy relationship is leading no where. In this case I  don’t think that the both of you going to counseling would have any positive results.

If you are getting nothing but negative feelings from this stressful and unhappy relationship and although there might be some good days, the bad outweigh the good, then maybe it’s time to step back and put the relationship on hold.  Take some time away from them and see if your negative feelings diminish. With time you’ll get clearer vision as to what the relationship really means to you.  Just don’t waste your life  waiting for things to get better because chances are the probably wont.

If you are in a stressful and unhappy relationship I can understand the kind of pain you are in. If you’ve tried talking to your partner about how you feel and how mentally drained you are from the emotionally stress, maybe you need to listen to their side of the things. Maybe if you talk to them things may come to light which could enable you understand each other better.

It’s always a good idea to talk to them and try to understand things from their perspective, provided they are willing to reciprocate the same.  If they are trying to be ruthless and bent upon having their way in the relationship, then put your foot down and just walk out of the relationship.  If they  are unwilling to care for you, love you , respect you, treat you nicely, honor your wishes then all they are doing is using you and emotionally abusing you.   Sit yourself down,  analyze how you feel, what and how they make you feel and then decide whether you’re a better person being with them or without them.  If you find this difficult,  try to analyze whether they bring out the best in you or the worst or somewhere in between. Hopefully this relationship advice will clear your mind and enable you to have a better understanding of what you should do and what you should choose.

If you feel you are in a loveless marriage or your marriage has gone flat,  you may need some marriage advice on “How to get your husband to fall in love with you again? I’ll address some quick ways and sure tips that can help you win back the love of your husband.

1) If you feel you are in a “loveless marriage”, don’t assume too quickly that your husband doesn’t love you. He probably still does.  I found this quote that is often very true  “Falling out of love is a term that is often applied to hum-drum marriages but what it frequently means from the man’s point of view is that he has fallen out of love with the way the marriage is going.” He may have distanced himself from you because he was unhappy but couldn’t offer a more detailed explanation for his feelings.

2) Many men have a hard time accurately interpreting and communicating their feelings.  Even if they can’t communicate it effectively, what they often feel is that the relationship no longer makes them feel good about themselves anymore. At the beginning of your relationship, you both put your best foot forward and spent a lot of time and effort into making the other person feel good about you and about themselves. Go back to that mindset and do what you can do to recreate that environment.

3) Most relationships become stronger when both you and your partner  feel wanted, important, appreciated, interesting and competent, just to name a few. For men, these feelings are what makes him feel like he is in love. So, it’s important to understand that when he says (or you think) he doesn’t love you anymore, that might not be true. It’s very likely that he’s actually mourning the loss of the relationship that made him feel so great about himself.

4)  Tell your husband that you are feeling a distance in your marriage and let him know that you miss the closeness and intimacy that you once enjoyed.  Ask him if he wants to improve your marriage and let him know that it’s your desire too.   The goal here is to communicate your desire to your husband.

5) Identify the things that you miss the most in your relationship. If its the affection, then show more affection to your husband. If its appreciation, let him know you appreciate him first. Take the first steps and you’ll be surprised how he responds.  In the beginning he may look at you funny or totally reject your attempts. Don’t give up! In time you will have found the answer to “How to get your husband to fall in love with you again?”

Understanding why marriages fail can alert couples to their own unique relationship vulnerabilities. The more information you have to help you identify potential marriage problems the easier it will be to address them.

Here are five reasons marriages fail and 5 marriage tips to prevent your marriage from going down the same road.

1. Some  marriages fail because  they  started for the wrong reasons. Therefore,  for this marriage to survive, you must learn to separate the person you married from the reasons you married him/her. You must focus on breaking the negative associations and see the person you now call “husband” or “wife” for who they really are.

2. Some couples have grown apart over the years and they no longer share any common interests. Therefore, you must make the commitment to keep your marriage/relationship a priority and not let life and competing priorities  get between you and your spouse.

3. Unresolved conflicts and deep emotional wounds can shatter the fabric of your union. Therefore, you must be bold enough to have those uncomfortable discussions to make sure important issues are resolved before they go underground and begin to fester. Seek professional help if necessary to keep things moving in the right direction.

4. One or both parties can unconsciously repeat unhealthy relationship patterns derived from their family-of-origin. Reflect on your parents and their relationship and decide you want to be different from them in your role as a husband/wife or partner. Each day make a conscious effort to stop negative family-of-origin patterns.

5.  The marriage or relationship can be built upon unreal expectations that cannot support the realities of a committed relationship. Therefore, we must examine the expectations you hold about marriage and share this with your spouse.  We must take every opportunity to discuss any differences in perspective that may exist between you. In addition,  we should take a close look to determine which expectations feel realistic and which are likely to buckle under the day-to-day realities of life.

The above list captures some of the most common, essential reasons marriage problems arise and the preventative measures needed to keep your marriage or relationship healthy.