pRelationship

One of the main problems in relationships is the inability of partners to take feedback and criticism. Many times constructive criticism can end up being destructive to the relationship.  This doesn’t have to be the case is we understand what criticism really is.

Lets first define criticism in a way that will make this topic a lot more palatable: “Criticism, the request for adjustment in behavior from another”. Yes, criticism is a normal part of life, part of friction we feel dealing with each other and our own individual preferences. But it doesn’t have to be always seen as a negative event.

The common view of criticism is that it is offensive, an insult, an affront, an attack. Perhaps it is all those things sometimes, but most often, it is none of those, especially when you have the right perspective. In a true relationship, criticism often means that the person cares enough about the relationship to risk causing a negative reaction. Otherwise why bother asking for change?

The key is that we do not give feedback to people we do not want in our lives. We only take the risk to give feedback to the people who we want to keep; who we hope will accommodate our desires, at least somewhat.

We all have issues, we all do things that are not good for us, not good for those around us. And so when someone cares enough to risk giving us feedback, perhaps we should take that as a sign of caring, of love, rather than being offended. Feedback, because it involves so much risk for the person giving feedback, is an act of courage and caring.

Feedback can be an opportunity for building intimacy, if taken correctly. Feedback shows you that you are being seen and being noticed. When someone gives feedback, this can be a door to true intimacy, because intimacy begins with seeing each other.

Want the moment of criticism or feedback to be a door for more intimacy and love in your relationship, as opposed to the moment the relationship breaks or ends? Here’s how.  When getting feedback or criticism, open your heart, even thought it may hurt or it may make you feel ashamed that you are not perfect.

Here are 5  simple relationship tips and steps to follow when you receive criticism.

1) Dig deep, look for the reasons you do what you do, share them with the person giving you feedback.

2) Ask him or her what the intent of the criticism or feedback was. Ask him or her what she or he was trying to achieve by verbalizing the feedback. When you hear that he or she wants you, except this one thing needs to change, hear that.

3) Consider perhaps if that one thing is something you already think you need to change for yourself? If so this is just confirmation of what you already know. Take it as such.

4) Ask yourself truthfully, Would your life be better if you changed that thing?

5) Consider whether you should be hurt because someone can see you; because yet another person asks you to change the same thing as many other people have asked for? Or perhaps you could consider being grateful, because you end up with people in your life who care about your enough to ask for an alteration so that they can keep you in their life. Don’t let pride and shame stop you from performing this important step.

Taking feedback and allowing it to mold you into a better, more open, and flexible person is the key. It’s also a great way to build relationships, as you turn potentially relationship-killing situations into opportunities for more closeness.

Ever wonder why some people are easily noticed in a crowded room and some go totally unnoticed? This relationship tip for both women and men will get you noticed if you practice it on a regular basis.

I saw this story about Ian Ziering (from the popular 1990’s TV show 90210) that describes his first impression of his new wife.

They met at a Labor Day party at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood in 2009. In a sea of $600 stilettos, $700 bikinis, $800 sunglasses and $900 hair extensions, Erin (his wife) walked in wearing flip-flops, a simple black bikini, Ray-Bans and a ponytail. He was totally mesmerized.

I was struck by what he said and what he didn’t. Most women would love to be noticed in a crowded room and have a man be instantly smitten. However, to accomplish this goal, women often focus on the wrong things. Perfect hair, perfect body, perfect smile, perfect… are you noticing a theme?

But when I (or someone else) suggests to a woman that there is more to attracting and keeping a man than simply being perfect, they smile and say, “I know, I know.” But they don’t believe me because of their bad experiences. In the past, some man has told them that if they weren’t so (overweight, talkative, controlling, needy, etc.), the relationship wouldn’t be ending. So they decide that the way they are - isn’t enough. What I mean by “enough” is that they believe that they are not pretty enough, skinny enough, confident enough and so forth.

It’s not true, you know. Being perfect will certainly get you more invitations and more men turning their heads to look at you, but that wasn’t the quality that Mr. Ziering noticed in his wife. You see, it wasn’t what she wore or the particular style of her hair. It was what came from within that made her outfit and her hairstyle so radiant. In fact, he noticed it so strongly that he married this woman 9 months after they met.

I’m also sure that you’ve probably experienced this yourself at least once in your life. Those times when it seemed every guy was interested in you. Or if you’re in a relationship, can you remember when your man couldn’t seem to get enough of you?  Wouldn’t you like to have that effect most of the time?     Guess what, you can, but here is the catch. This trait isn’t always easy to develop. It takes some practice. It doesn’t take forever; yet, it isn’t something you can develop in a day.

In fact, those women that struggle to obtain this magic usually have one thing in common. They’re impatient. They want it now. When it doesn’t work with every guy - every time they say, “This stuff doesn’t work.” Then they continue to wonder why the relationship they’ve always dreamed of never seems to show up in their lives.

I want to tell you that it can happen. But if you’d like things to be different, then you’ll have to do different things. Simply keeping the same habits and beliefs won’t change your circumstances. Additionally, keeping old habits absolutely won’t cause men to look at you the way Ian Ziering looked at his future wife. But if you want that kind of power, and I mean really want it, then it’s yours for the taking.

Let me show you how to put your heart first, and ahead of any man.  I’ll give you the tip that will cause men to look at you differently - if you agree to try it for at least 3 weeks.

Treat every guy/girl the same.

Be nice to the ugly guy/girl and the overweight one. Listen to the one who you think is boring and bald. Oh I know, he might just ask you out, but that is a problem you want to have. You see there is no magic formula for only attracting the man or woman you want. There is only the magic that attracts men and women. Those you want and those you don’t. You’ll end up turning down most of these invitations but something inside of you will begin to change.

Practice treating them all the same, and I promise that the ones you like will notice that you seem to have a content beauty that makes you stand out across a crowded room, even if you’re just wearing flip flops with your hair in a ponytail.

Give it a try for 3 weeks straight and report back with your results. You’ll be amazed.

In my searching around the internet I ran across these tips for guys on knowing when a woman is attracted to you.  I hope these relationship tips and advice for men will help you decide if she is worth pursuing or if you are just wasting your time.

Before we start here’s a background note.  Women are known to be talkative.  However, a woman is a “bilingual” to a certain extent, and she is as articulate in body language as she is in the words on paper. Therefore, when it comes to feelings and relationships, women use both forms to convey their message. Hence, the only way to succeed in analyzing if the woman really likes you is to listen closely and decode her body language.
Here is a list of the most common moves that would literally tell you that she is interested in you and tips on how to respond to these actions.

Tip 1:  Self-stroking

You are talking to a woman and you notice her slowly running her hand up and down her forearm.  It is a tactile woman!

She loves the feel of things on her hand, and most probably the rest of her body. A simple movement like that speaks pages. It is like telling you, “Look at my hand, pretend it is yours.”

What to do:  Give her a few strokes but keep your hands on neutral territory.
A touch on the shoulder, a tap on the top of her hand would be enough. If she is telling you what you hope she is telling you, she will easily focus her tactile fixation on you.

Tip 2:  The Hair-Behind-Ear Tuck

Most women have this technique down pat. It may be an affection of the typical and much sought-after demure lady.

For the most part, it shows that your girl is a preneer. She likes to have every strand of hair to be in place; and a single one of them is out of line. That is the ear tuck power.

What to do: Pay her a compliment. Any compliment will do, but a “I like your hair like that” may just be the ticket that she has been waiting from you.

Tip 3: Puppy Dog Eyes

Awww! She is so cute. Those big doe eyes are practically begging for assistance. She needs your help and you must willingly give it.

Although this tactic is used mostly for flat tires and bus seats, it works quite well in the flirting and pick-up scene as well.

What to do: When the puppy dog’s eyes come on, jump into action. Snap your fingers and order a drink for her. Offer her a chair. Do not overdo it though, because women are totally capable of themselves, and the only reason why she appears like a damsel in distress is the fact that she likes you and she is interested to know you better.

Tip 4: The Laugh and Touch Combo

At an appropriate time in the conversation, you whip out your favorite joke to seal the deal with your date. She laughs unabashedly, leans towards you, and plants an unassuming hand on your thigh, arm, or shoulder.

So she thinks you are funny, right? Wrong. The upside down, though, is that she is into you, downright interested in you, despite the  joke. This is her way of showing you that she is easy to get along with and open to possibilities that involve you.

What to do: Talk about things that border on the intimate, but end with a self-deprecating joke. This will keep you from going too heavy but at the same time, it sends out the signal that you like her too and that you are comfortable with her.

Providing the appropriate responses to these common moves will launch you both into the exciting world of the “getting-to-know-you-better” stage.

Are you one of the many who wonder if they’re in an unequal relationship? Do you even know what an unequal relationship is?  Well this information may help to first explain what an unequal relationship is and secondly, how to determine if you’re in one.

The idea of a “equal” relationship is often puzzling and frustrating to many men. Men think of equals as individuals or entities that they compete against. In this regard, a woman is justified in wanting to be treated as an equal in the workforce. But in a relationship, the last thing a man wants to do is  to complete with a woman (after all, they have their career, sports and guy friends for that).

These facts leave us with this assessment - what men don’t get from all their pursuits and accomplishments is someone that can awaken their feelings.  They don’t want an equal.  They want someone who is a complement. A complementary relationship is defined as having two separate and different partners that enhance or complete each other.  Note the key term “enhance” and the word “complete” not “compete”.

Women frequently ask, “Should I pay for dinner since he pays so often?” What they are implying is that it doesn’t seem fair for him to pay all the time. Yet, men don’t care about what is fair as much as you think. What the man paying for dinner is really concerned about is this: Will this make her happy? Does she seem to be having a good time? Will I score points with her on this one?

The thought of “when’s she gonna pay?” doesn’t even enter his mind. He’s not concerned with fair. He only wants to impress her. If he does impress her then he’ll say to himself, “Yep, I’m the man. She’s having a great time because I am a stud.” Yes, guys really do think like that.

In fact, in a perfect relationship, a woman should feel somewhat indebted to a man. Yes, that means that he should be giving more than she does.  If you’re uncomfortable with that arraignment, then you can opt for the equal relationship. The only problem is that it’s terribly boring. It is sort of like going to a high school dance with your cousin - safe but not very appealing. A passionate relationship means you allow him to be a man and he in turn cherishes you as the woman. It’s not subservient. In fact, it’s quite empowering for a woman.

How do you stop loving someone who you are DEEPLY in love with, but for various reasons the relationship doesn’t work. You love them but you can’t be with them? How do you turn off your emotions? Especially when you have to see this person everyday, Here’s some breakup advice that will help you get over it and move on.

It’s obvious that you must limit your interaction with this person. NO more phone calls. With time, any emotional attachment and feelings will subside after a while. Detach yourself from the delusion first. You need to come to realization that you two can’t be together. Not sure why you got yourself in this situation to begin with, BUT you’re there, so how you do release yourself from a painful reality?

First remove all things that remind you of this person; any pictures, phone messages, text messages etc.. If  you see this person daily at work for instance, walk the other way. Keep it professional no matter how hard it is. Concentrate and utilize mind over matter.

Remember, it’s never easy to turn your emotions off. You can’t help it. Start filling that void with something else to occupy your time. Don’t read a book, its useless. You’re not gonna be able to concentrate.  Go out and be amongst your friends.

Because you are “Deeply” in love, sex probably played a factor. Needless to say you must show restraint. Don’t continue to have sex anymore. You have to be strong.  Understand you are only setting yourself up to get hurt. You have to take the first step if you don’t want to feel this yearning and desire anymore. Only you have control over your feelings and emotions. Don’t look to the person you are dealing with to help you with this.

But if you are seeing a married man-STOP NOW! Do yourself a favor. He is not gonna leave his wife. Don’t get caught up. You know better. If you are married, same advice. I hope your spouse doesn’t find out. But seriously, you must find a way to detach yourself.

Personally, you will be fine. Forgive yourself and love yourself enough not to get caught up in a situation like this again. The healing process is not gonna be easy.  Have patience. Don’t be too hard on yourself but get out now. Save your sanity and your dignity. Find someone you can be with without stipulations.

Job or office romances can really work but it actually requires a lot of good common sense. Spending a lot of time around the same people every day naturally allows you the opportunity to get to know them better and become more comfortable around them. This can often lead to casual talking, joking, laughing—maybe even flirting.

But when you date someone in your office, it is vitally important that you leave your relationship drama at home where it belongs. Not in the office amongst you co-workers. Otherwise you may end up in the HR department for a talk about the office’s dating policy or even worse in your boss’s office for a reprimand. Keeping work professional and keeping what you do personally from interfering is something we all must do. But there’s no denying that the interference can happen. So here are some office dating tips for you to think about before making your move, and to remember once (or if!) you do.

Think Before You Step
Dating a coworker can be like “walking through a minefield with big clown shoes.” Don’t be so quick to jump freely and willingly into a relationship without considering all the consequences. Especially if the other person is a superior or someone with whom we work closely or regularly. Sometimes the relationship may not work out and them you’ve got a bitter and sometimes revengeful person to deal with. So you have to decide: Is it worth the risk to you? People can lose jobs and get sued because of relationships gone bad.

Control Your Excitement
Admittedly, an office fling can definitely spice up your life and add lots of excitement. Don’t go overboard and forget where you are and what you are there to do. Many people get caught up in the excitement and forget to focus on their work. Instead they expend all their energy wooing the other person or talking to other co-workers about you new found love. Determine to keep it low key while in the office and involve as few people as you can to prevent the work distraction.
Likewise, if the relationship fails, try not to dwell on what went wrong. Mulling over a relationship gone bad is what you do at home while eating ice cream and watching that tearjerker for the fifteenth time, not an activity to do at your desk.

Finally, everyone can benefit from heeding this advice if they are serious about pursuing a relationship at work. With the right partner, the right mindset, the right perspective, and the right attitude, you can make it work. You never know whether your true love and future soulmate is in the next office cubicle or just down the hall.

It’s been said that it’s not disagreement that causes unhappiness, but its disappointment and anger.  If we learn to eliminate those feelings in ourselves, not only will we be happier, but we can virtually eliminate conflict in our relationships since our partners will find it difficult to stay in conflict with us when we are loving and happy.  So the key method of eliminating anger will be the subject of our current discussion ad hopefully this information will help you eliminate relationship problems.

Every time you find yourself becoming irritated or unhappy, take one of the following steps. They can be taken in any order and repeated as often as you like.

Be Quiet -  Why would you knowingly destroy your own happiness or the love you want in your relationship? But that’s what you do every time you speak to your partner in anger. When you’re angry you will never say anything loving or productive, so therefore, when you’re angry, DO NOT SPEAK.

Be Wrong - You cannot keep up your end of a conflict when you admit that you’re wrong. When you admit that you’re wrong, the fire of the conflict will die for a lack of fuel. So any time you feel disappointment or anger, repeat, “if I’m disappointed or angry, I’m wrong” and you won’t be able to maintain those feelings for long.

Feel loved - Remember that you are loved. We become afraid in a conflict, and subsequently react in anger, only when we don’t feel loved. When we are absolutely certain that we are loved the disagreements and anger of other people are no longer threatening to us. If we feel loved we won’t become afraid and we’ll have no need to get angry.

Get Loved - Sometimes remembering that you are loved is not enough.  You may need to feel loved in the present. You may need to call a loving friend and experience the love personally to eliminate the anger. Find someone who you can talk to honestly and tell the truth about yourself and create the opportunity to feel love unconditionally.

Be Loving - Do something loving. Eliminate your anger by choosing to do something unconditionally loving.  Perform an act of service, have a friendly conversation, thank your partner, touch your partner, tell him/her you love them.  When you’re angry at your partner, you may not feel like doing something loving for him or her. But if you do it anyway, you’ll create an opportunity for both of you to feel the miracle of love in your lives.

From a business standpoint, dating in the workplace can often be disastrous, particularly if it results in loss work hours, or acrimonious break ups that lead to workplace disasters. An employer can prohibit dating in the workplace, so long as the employer enforces the guidelines consistently – that is, against everyone. Whether dating in the workplace is allowed depends largely on the workplace policies, and is not governed by statutory laws. However, if there is a policy against in the workplace, it is a legal cause for termination.

Workplace dating and romance is well suited for those who spend most of their time at the office. Since most of the population falls under this category, workplace romance has more or less become a universal phenomenon. For a die – hard romantic, an office atmosphere may not be particularly conducive to nurture amorous feelings.

Here are some employee’s dating tips and guidelines given below:

* First check to see if your company has an employee dating policy.  Employee dating is more detrimental in certain occupations than others, so check to see if any company policies exist prior to asking your fellow co – worker out to the movies.
* Develop an office relationship before you develop a romantic relationship. Take the time to learn as much as you can about the co – worker whom you are planning to date. A business lunch will help you judge if asking the co – worker out for a romantic date is a good idea.
* Realize that in reality relationships do not work out like they do on TV. If your dating relationship ends on a sour note, you will still have to work with co – worker. For this reason, it is important to start any relationship out as slow as possible.
* Agree not to flirt at work. After you and your co – worker are dating, agree to set up relationship rules for the workplace. Agree not to inform co – workers or management until you both agree that it is the proper time.
* Develop open communication. When you are in a dual relationship [you have two different types of relationships – business and romantic, with the same person] dating potentially can be conflicted and sometimes downright explosive!

Dating in the workplace and office romance can be fun and more only if you strictly adhere to the rules. The rules we are referring to are not only the ones laid down by your organization but the rules you stipulate for yourselves. Sincerity towards your profession should never be underplayed even if it means giving orders to him/her. In case of something going haywire, apart from feeling emotionally drained, you may create an irreplaceable dent in your career. A careful handling of your affair is most prudent to make an office romance a successful affair.

When dealing with everyday workplace relationships and job situations involving bosses and co-workers it can be a challenge to handle the different personalities and communication styles you may encounter. There are a few relationship tips and smooth moves I’ve picked up over the years to help improve my workplace relationships at my different places of employment and to get the upper hand on the challenges of interpersonal exchanges. I’d like to briefly touch on one that I consider to be my best.

The Mirror Technique:

Be the “man in the mirror”  and people will immediately feel comfortable talking to you. Here’s how you do it. When someone comes to talk to you, whether it’s the boss or another co-worker, stop what you are doing as quickly as possible. Ask for more time if necessary so as to give them your full attention. Then the smooth move is this; Immediately mirror the persons posture and position (Whether sitting or standing) and make immediate eye contact. This is a killer smooth move that most people will not even realize  you are doing and will immediately set them at ease. The fact that you stopped what you were doing will also give the impression that you think they are important and what they have to say is valuable. Eye contact locks in the connection and, lastly, a big smile seals the deal.

If you do this on a regular basis, they will always feel comfortable talking to you and getting your advise and will many time tell you things that they would never tell the other employees. I do this on a regular basis and believe me it works! Check out my website at www.prelationships.com for more tips and advice on improving workplace relationships.

Did you know that love does NOT conquer all?

You see, often people get married with the idea that their “chemistry”
or undying love for each other will keep them together forever.

However, with almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, it’s
obvious that this isn’t the case. Therefore, it pays to know a few little
secrets and take some sound marriage advice before getting married.

Here are 5 tips that help keep couples together long after tying the knot:

Tip #1 - Continue dating

Over the years, people often drift apart or relationships and marriages become
stale because couples fail to do new and special things together. That’s why
going on new and refreshing dates is so important. In fact, there is something
about “dating” that creates a sense of magic in a relationship and
can even bring relationships out of a rut. While on a date, you also put more
effort into your appearance, have more uninterrupted time to communicate on
a deeper level and are naturally drawn closer together. Stuck for ideas? Spend
the day at the aquarium, zoo, museum, carnival, bookstore, beach or park.

Tip #2 – Delay is often better

It’s a well-documented statistic that couples who have dated for a year
or longer before marriage have a significantly lower rate of divorce than those
who married after a short dating period. A year of dating gives time for many
emotions to surface and many character traits to be discovered. You may adore
someone in the spring, but despise him or her in the winter. Asking someone
for his or her hand in marriage on the third date isn’t romantic. It’s gambling.

Tip #3 – Always express your love

Oftentimes, as a relationship matures, partners tend to stop praising each
other because they ‘assume’ their partner already knows what they’re thinking.
When in reality, a day should never go by without you praising your partner.
Compliment them on their cooking, reaffirm that they’re the greatest person
in the world or tell them they’re a wonderful role model. If you want
to be loved and romanced by your sweetheart, love and romance them first. When
they’re feeling loved, it is much easier to love in return. Are you a super
supporter of what your mate does and says? So do you cheer them on and praise
them constantly? Or do they constantly hear boos or silence?

Tip #4 – Take time to understand your partner

Couples with the most problems are often the ones that say, “I just don’t
understand him/her.” So let me ask you: How knowledgeable are you about
your mate’s profession or the degree they are pursuing? Do you know anything
about his or her family heritage? Are you able to have a meaningful conversation
about her cross-stitch hobby or his interest in rugby? If you are a man, do
you fully understand what women experience during PMS or menopause? You don’t
need to be identical, but make an effort to learn about the things that interest
your partner in life and you’ll grow closer as a result.

Tip #5 - Answer the BIG questions

Does your partner want kids? Do you both want careers? Do they have a history
of spending their way into debt? Do they go to church?

In my opinion, the biggest reason almost half of marriages end in divorce is
because couples fail to ask each other the right questions BEFORE they get married.
I guess people think they’ll be able to change their spouses after marriage
and everything will be better. Wrong. If you fail to sit down and discuss finances,
religion, sex, housing, your future, and other topics in great detail, you could
end up with nothing but argument after argument for the rest of your days.

In the end, if you both have completely different views, desires and goals
in life, there’s no guarantee that chemistry or “I love you’s”
will help you stay together. Make it your utmost priority to understand each
other ‘inside-out’ BEFORE you take that walk down the aisle.

About the author:

Michael Webb is the author of “1000 Questions For Couples” the most
comprehensive book of questions that all couples should ask before getting married.
Covering lovemaking, religion, careers, money, children & raising them,
household work, personalities, the future and much much more. To learn more,
visit: 1000 Questions For Couples