pRelationship

At the heart of any relationship whether partner to partner, husband and wife, parent and child, or just friend to friend is the friendship factor, the essential ingredient of warmth and caring.  However the secret of how to love and be loved rests in your ability to produce and cultivate intimacy.  When properly developed, it leads to a warm and healthy relationship, makes you a more lovable person, allows for better communication, and squelches tension in your relationship. Here are a few tips and guidelines that will help you cultivate intimacy in your relationships and change the way you love.

1. Use your Body to Demonstrate Warmth - Learn the Art of Touching

Our bodies are the best tools for achieving genuine intimacy.  You’ve heard over and over again about the importance of body language but seldom is it discussed in the context of intimacy.  If you observe people who have deep relationships you’ll find that they have tuned their sense of touch and are skilled at when, how, and how often to use it when they are with people. They understand that frequent body contact is essential for keeping communication at a warm level.   They understand that there is a universal longing to be touched in both man and animals.  It is said that with babies, before they understand the love of a mother’s kiss, they understand the love of a mother’s touch.  So remember in your interactions that in addition to your verbal communication built intimacy with your non-verbal communication.  Touch often and regularly.

2. Learn the Art of Affirmation - Be Liberal with Compliments and Praise

Learn to always be ready to say something good about the other person. Train your mind to find the positive things in other people and once you find something good, immediately highlight it with a heart-felt compliment.  If you have a sliver of criticism make sure you sandwich it between two healthy slices of praise.  Be particularly mindful of areas to boost their self image. This will draw the person closer to you and increase their desire to be in your presence.  Remember the simple act of affirmation, undeserved and unexpected attention, is a big step towards lasting intimacy.

3. Never Stop Talking and Never Stop Listening - Learn the Art of Doing Two Things at Once

This is pretty self explanatory. Learn to art of conversation which includes both talking and listening.  Many of us are highly skilled in one or the other but few are skilled at both.  Learn to have balance in your conversations and realize that sensitivity is important to gain intimacy in your relationship.  You’ve got to know when it’s time to listen and how to let the other person know “You are free to talk. I’m ready and willing to listen.”   Learn to balance their eagerness to talk with your eagerness to listen. Finally learn to add touch and affirmation to your conversations to produce the bond of intimacy that will last throughout your relationship.

As you have already discovered, there are different types of people and their type affects how they communicate. There are literal (black and white) people and then there are people who live in the gray areas. This post is just a quick reminder of the differences in two types of people, the Sensors and the Intuitives. It will hopefully give you some relationship tips and incite into how to effectively communicate with both types as you build your relationships.

The Literal person - The Sensor
When it comes to communication some people are literal, they are very specific in the way they talk. They want specific facts and specific answers that are to-the-point. They take things very literally and avoid speculation. They end sentences with a period. They tend to follow routines and schedules and are diligent to read instructions. One of the problems is that this person can be a little too detailed, they can’t see the forest for the trees.

The Not-So-Literal person - The Intuitive
The opposite of the literal person, the intuitive person can think and talk about several things at once. They don’t worry about being late: “If I’m not there, it hasn’t started yet.” They jump from one idea to another. They follow their hunches. They don’t read instructions unless absolutely necessary, (the last resort) and are more interested in generalities. They end sentences with a dash. Unfortunately this person can be a generalist and often can’t see the trees for the forest.

So which one are you and which one best describes your partner? It’s important to know so you will understand how best to communicate with your partner. Here are some simple tips.

The punctuation clue: A sensor can ask an intuitive, “Is that with a period or with a dash?” Sometimes an Intuitive can say something that they dont’ really mean or may change later and this question helps understand on-hold type answers and gives the intuitive more time to think about their statement.

The bottom line: The intuitive can learn to say to the sensor, “This is the bottom line.” This is the signal to the sensor that the intuitive has finally arrived at what the sensor was waiting for.  This talks directly to the way the other understands. The sensor must also learn to relax and be patient  through the long, winding answers from the intuitive as he or she makes their way to their point. Likewise, the intuitive must also learn to relax through long, detailed answers from the sensor and learn to appreciate the information they receive.

The rating scale: If a sensor’s answer seems bland or non-expressive to his or her intuitive, they can try asking how they would rate something on a scale of 1 to 10. Often it’s a little more expressive.

The shopping spree: Sensors, when shopping, usually call first and then go directly for what they need. Intuitives on the other hand are “grazers”. They tend to spend a lot of time browsing. The same is true in their speech. Sensors are normally prepared and have already decided on what they will say while intuitive are more likely to adlib and make it up as they go. So if you are a sensor you must understand that you partner the intuitive may take some time to arrive at what he or she is trying to say. It’s important not to take the first thing that comes out of their mouth as their opinion. Give them some time to formulate what they are saying before you jump to conclusions. On the other hand, intuitives should not be intimidated by the forcefulness and authority coming from the sensor’s reply.  Many times they are just reciting the scripts that were written long in advance. Asking questions and being attentive will help you find their real feelings and opinions.

So be flexible and learn to adapt to the other’s style on conversation remembering not to go overboard in your own conversation style.

One things that has been proven to increase the romance in your relationship is the ability to talk in romantic codes. By this I mean speaking in codes that only you and your partner understand. This way you draw your partner in closer to you with this exclusive code that only the two of you  understands and it makes your partner feel privileged to be able to converse and respond to you. Here’s some relationship advice I’ll share with you from my personal experience and believe me it works!

I started with a very simple code years ago that I used over and over again with great success and over the years expanded on it as needed. I’ll share it with you since it is pretty old now and I don’t think my partner would mind. The first one was 1-4-3 which stood for “I Love You” based on the number of letters in each word. So when I would say 1-4-3 or use my fingers to show 1-4-3 I would immediately get a big smile or a loving response. I would write it on the bathroom mirror in the mornings with dry erase markers, send it in a text message or love letters, or say it softly at the end of a phone call. The favorite time to use it is when we’re out with friends or family and in the middle of the their conversation I would flash the numbers on my fingers so she could see them and I’d watch her smile and blush. It really set the mood for our private time later that evening. Soon we developed a coded response which was 1-4-3-2 which was an encrypted way of saying “I Love You Too” with the 2 being a symbol for the word “too”.

From there I realized that 1-4-3 could be used to mean other things like “I Miss You” or “I Want You” or “I Need You”. So we expanded the code for writing to be the following: 1-4-3 and a smile means I love you. 1-4-3 and a sad face means “I Miss You”, 1-4-3 exclamation point means “I Want You”. Of course, the response I always got was 1-4-3-2. Hope it works for you.

Check back for many other romance codes that work for me. I’ll post them if my wife says it’s OK. Besides, this is just between she and I. It’s personal!

Fear of rejection is a common phobia. It strikes millions of people in all areas of life:  especially in dating relationships. Just think of what could be accomplished if we didn’t fear rejection. You can only imagine what great and lasting relationships could have been formed if only we hadn’t succumb to the fear of rejection.
The following are some basic thoughts and ideas that will help you to overcome your fear of rejection:

* Pain only lasts for a moment and then it’s gone. Keeping this in mind will help you overcome your fear. One day, you will be able to look back at the time and laugh about it. Rejection isn’t as bad as we make it.
* It becomes easier over time. Asking people out becomes easier over time. The more you do it, the more natural it becomes and the less fear you’ll have.  Like everything else in life it just takes practice. Asking people out, starting conversations, and introducing yourself becomes easy with enough repetition.
* It is exhilarating. Asking someone out when you are nervous or afraid pushes your limits. It requires you to step beyond your comfort zone. No matter the results, you can feel good about yourself for not backing down. Facing the fear of rejection squarely without giving in means never having to say “what if…”

* Remember “Courage is not the absence of fear but the ability to take action in the face of fear.”  Taking courage is simple taking action.

We’re all afraid of rejection. Prepare yourself for it – and plunge ahead anyway. You’ll like yourself better for mustering courage – and so will everyone else. Don’t take it personally, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and have another go at it.
More than anything else fear when dating will get you off to a bad start. Your date can sense that you are scared a mile away. It shows, it comes across and it is hard to disguise. Fear makes the person on the receiving end feel unattractive and unsteady. Fear of rejection is debilitating. It prevents you from functioning properly. It affects your movements and speech and most certainly prevents you from displaying the glorious aspects of your relaxed character. You are uptight so you can’t talk fluently, your words come out all wrong, you don’t come across properly.
“I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.” – Billy Joel.
How fear of rejection affects you –

* How many times have you simply given up looking for a certain type of work because you got so discouraged by the lack of response?
* How many times have you seen a great guy, that you wished you had the guts to talk to, but just couldn’t because you were afraid of being snubbed?
* How often do you avoid striking up conversation with people – guys or girls – out of concern that they might not like you?

The way to overcome fear of rejection is: Don’t try to overcome it. Instead, condition yourself to take action in spite of the fear. If you’re afraid to say hi to a guy, just say hi to him anyway.  If you’re worried that your idea might not fly with management, and you might look like an idiot, just say what you need to say. Stand up for your own truth.
Of course, “embracing rejection” doesn’t mean “giving up easily”. It just means fully accepting and acting congruently with the idea that you decide your worth. It means getting out of your own way, and giving yourself permission to live life on your own terms, instead of being controlled by other people’s responses.
Sometimes “no” just means you haven’t yet given the other person enough reasons to say “yes”. But other time, no really means so. You have to rely on your intuition to sort out which is which.

So take Billy Joel’s advice and be “more of a fool”. Embracing rejection will improve your quality of life.

Marriage today is far more complex than it was in the olden days.  People today are consumed with questions about what they want or expect to  get out of their marriage.  In fact the phrase  ‘til death do us apart’ means a lot longer today than at any other time of history. Despite all of the changes, most people enter marriage carrying with them many of the same beliefs of the traditional marriage. Hence, when they marry they often find that their traditional beliefs are ineffective, leaving them with few guidelines on how to be in a marriage. Today’s marriages more than any time in history, depend more upon communication, intimacy, relating, compromise, negotiation and understanding. Sexual expectations have similarly changed.  Since lovemaking is no longer exclusively for the purpose for procreation, no longer just for man’s pleasure, then it is no longer expected that men be more knowledgeable and experienced then women. Today couples expect more from one another, requiring greater communications between them and greater sensitivity between them.  Since both sexes are equally able to perform nearly all of the tasks required in a marriage, neither has to depend on the other for these abilities. Therefore, the very basis for marriage changes from fulfilling certain functions to fulfilling emotional and psychological needs. In order to work on your marriage here are a few tips and practical marriage advice I found  on how you can maintain long – term marriages. If you have additional suggestions feel free to submit them.

* Be honest.
* Support one another’s goals and achievements.
* Respect each other.
* Take time to share dreams and goals on a regular basis.
* Use daily dialogue as means of improving your communication.
* Laugh together at least once a day.
* Fight fair.
* Be willing to forgive.
* Remember kindness towards each other is a great gift.
* Share your daily expectations.
* Make decisions about finances, disciplining the children, chores, vacations, etc. together.
* Take time to be alone together working on your intimacy. Schedule dates or romantic getaways.
* Separate emotionally from one’s childhood so as to invest fully in the marriage and, at the same time, redefine the lines of connection with both families of origin.
* Build togetherness based on mutual identification, shared intimacy and an expanded conscience that includes both partners, while at the same time setting boundaries to protect each partner’s autonomy.
* Establish a rich and pleasurable sexual relationship and protect it from the incursions of the workplace and family obligations; it is the second part of this task which must not be overlooked or taken for granted.
* Embrace the daunting roles of parenthood and absorb the impact of her majesty the baby’s dramatic entrance into the marriage. At the same time the couple must continue the work of protecting their own privacy.
* Confront and master the inevitable crisis of life and maintain the strength of the marital bond in the face of adversity and create a safe haven within the marriage for the expression of difference, anger and conflict.
* Use humor and laughter to keep things in perspective and to avoid boredom and isolation.
* Provide nurturance and comfort to each other, satisfying each partner’s need for dependency and offer continuing encouragement and support.
* Keep alive the romantic, idealized images of falling in love, while facing the sober realities of he changes wrought by time.

Hope these guidelines helped you to achieve it. Got additional suggestions or comments? We’re looking to hear from you.

Breaking up is sometimes hard to deal with, irrespective of whether you are strong or not. It’s can be even more challenging to get back into the dating game after a breakup. The initial problem is that you have to be psychologically fit to start dating. Try these steps for getting over a breakup and getting yourself psychologically fit so you can find your new love:

Unfinished business from the prior relationship won’t let you move on? Well, in order to overcome this obstacle you should wrap up and close out all remaining business from your past relationship. Understand that it is important and sometimes necessary for you experience all the grief and other emotions which resulted from the breakup. Remember it does take time to get it out of your system but it is good to complete the process so you can have a fresh start. Never date for revenge, to prove your eligibility or to get rid of your loneliness. Date only when you are emotionally unencumbered by your previous relationship. Don’t bring the baggage from the previous relationship into the new one.

Make sure that your career and home are in order and that you are maintaining a healthy emotional relationship with your friends and family. Never isolate yourself from your family and friends. It only makes things worse.
See to it that you feel sane, happy and that your behavior is honest and open, as there is nothing more attractive or sexier than a successful, healthy [both physical and emotional] and happy person.
Get a makeover. For an instance get a daring but stylish haircut, color your hair, pamper yourself with a pedicure, manicure and also a foot massage, lose the excess weight and get yourself some new clothes. When you look good you feel good as well. Don’t forget how much you have to offer the world and what great catch you really are. Remind yourself how special you are and that your relationship may have failed but not your life.

Make a strategic plan to find your partner and make a decision follow it. For example

* Attend all real world parties you are invited to.
* Throw a party, and insist your guests to bring a single friend along with them to the party.
* Join clubs.
* Go to dances or any other activity that you are interested in.
* Flirt.
* Date as many eligible singles as possible.
* Post up an alluring profile on any dating website.

Come out as a single person, tell your family that you are ready to date, casually tell your neighbors and friends that you are willing to start dating and make sure you remove anything which would give the wrong idea [wedding ring, pictures of your ex, etc]. Last but not least become friends with some of your dates. Friends have friends of their own, who may be your future life partner. And stay in the dating game until you find a relationship that you desire.

Let’s do this - we know that building and maintaining a relationship is hard work. But breakups do happen to anyone and depending on the person breakups can be stressful, frustrating and even nerve wracking! And for most folks when they break up - they are thinking of how to get back together with the ex. So the first question you should ask yourself is this… “Am I sure I want to get back together with my ex?”

If you do want to get back with your ex, great! But you also need to forget about any ‘get back at ex’ nonsense because of some perceived wrongs. You know what I mean… doing stuff that won’t help and may likely get you a visit from the neighborhood police officer…

You certainly don’t want that!

So my feeling is that we should rephrase how to get back at ex into one that is positive and influential toward them moving back to you. So I’m going to give you my five best dating tips and ideas on how to get back at your ex… and more importantly, how to get your ex back!

Here goes…

Get Back at Ex Idea #1

Be true and strong to yourself. Especially when you just broke up and are in pieces. Stop the begging and clinging to your ex - it actually repels your ex and pushes them further away from you. Instead, I want you to be strong and give off the impression that you are totally fine with the breakup and life is peachy without them (even though your stomach may be churning).

But there is a reason behind this suggestion, your ex will begin to realize that you have moved on and they haven’t, which is a good thing.

Get Back at Ex Idea #2

Stop communicating with your ex. Just allow a little and if you have children together then yeah, you should talk about that subject but for everything else - be incommunicado. You see, closing the doors on communication does appear the opposite of what you really want to do… it conveys a message to your ex that your time is important and you are doing busy things and they start to wonder and stew about why you are not talking so much to them anymore. And not only that… they start to think about the good times and how important the relationship you both had.

Get Back at Ex Idea #3

Be like Gumby. Be flexible and don’t be so rigid and angry. Don’t tell them they have to move out and pick up their stuff by a certain date or you will throw their stuff out by the roadside - doing that won’t be helpful at all no matter how angry and frustrated you may be feeling at the time. Instead, be flexible and understanding. Do this and boy, your ex will be surprised - they may want to rebuild the lines of communication with you.

Get Back at Ex Idea #4

Hit the town buddy! That’s right, grab your friends and get the blankity-blank out of the house. Do fun stuff! Be social and enjoy some entertainment in your life. Add some life into your life so to speak. Now it doesn’t mean you have to date or notice members of the opposite sex but you SHOULD get out and enjoy your time with friends and when your ex finds out about it - they may begin to realize they lost a precious stone.

Get Back at Ex Idea #5

Be the “real” you! Truth be told… there was a reason why your ex fell in love with you the first time. And during relationships, you may have lost that little part of being yourself. Find it and be true to yourself. Your ex may notice.

There you go, I just gave you five ways to get back at ex… but not the way most folks would do it. My way is more pleasant, more constructive and gives you a much, much better chance of reconciling and getting back with your ex.

For some more tips and advice how to get back at ex you can go to my website. I will also make a recommendation for a get ex back guide that is the fastest way and shortest path I know to get them back.

Did you know that love does NOT conquer all?

You see, often people get married with the idea that their “chemistry”
or undying love for each other will keep them together forever.

However, with almost 50% of marriages ending in divorce these days, it’s
obvious that this isn’t the case. Therefore, it pays to know a few little
secrets and take some sound marriage advice before getting married.

Here are 5 tips that help keep couples together long after tying the knot:

Tip #1 - Continue dating

Over the years, people often drift apart or relationships and marriages become
stale because couples fail to do new and special things together. That’s why
going on new and refreshing dates is so important. In fact, there is something
about “dating” that creates a sense of magic in a relationship and
can even bring relationships out of a rut. While on a date, you also put more
effort into your appearance, have more uninterrupted time to communicate on
a deeper level and are naturally drawn closer together. Stuck for ideas? Spend
the day at the aquarium, zoo, museum, carnival, bookstore, beach or park.

Tip #2 – Delay is often better

It’s a well-documented statistic that couples who have dated for a year
or longer before marriage have a significantly lower rate of divorce than those
who married after a short dating period. A year of dating gives time for many
emotions to surface and many character traits to be discovered. You may adore
someone in the spring, but despise him or her in the winter. Asking someone
for his or her hand in marriage on the third date isn’t romantic. It’s gambling.

Tip #3 – Always express your love

Oftentimes, as a relationship matures, partners tend to stop praising each
other because they ‘assume’ their partner already knows what they’re thinking.
When in reality, a day should never go by without you praising your partner.
Compliment them on their cooking, reaffirm that they’re the greatest person
in the world or tell them they’re a wonderful role model. If you want
to be loved and romanced by your sweetheart, love and romance them first. When
they’re feeling loved, it is much easier to love in return. Are you a super
supporter of what your mate does and says? So do you cheer them on and praise
them constantly? Or do they constantly hear boos or silence?

Tip #4 – Take time to understand your partner

Couples with the most problems are often the ones that say, “I just don’t
understand him/her.” So let me ask you: How knowledgeable are you about
your mate’s profession or the degree they are pursuing? Do you know anything
about his or her family heritage? Are you able to have a meaningful conversation
about her cross-stitch hobby or his interest in rugby? If you are a man, do
you fully understand what women experience during PMS or menopause? You don’t
need to be identical, but make an effort to learn about the things that interest
your partner in life and you’ll grow closer as a result.

Tip #5 - Answer the BIG questions

Does your partner want kids? Do you both want careers? Do they have a history
of spending their way into debt? Do they go to church?

In my opinion, the biggest reason almost half of marriages end in divorce is
because couples fail to ask each other the right questions BEFORE they get married.
I guess people think they’ll be able to change their spouses after marriage
and everything will be better. Wrong. If you fail to sit down and discuss finances,
religion, sex, housing, your future, and other topics in great detail, you could
end up with nothing but argument after argument for the rest of your days.

In the end, if you both have completely different views, desires and goals
in life, there’s no guarantee that chemistry or “I love you’s”
will help you stay together. Make it your utmost priority to understand each
other ‘inside-out’ BEFORE you take that walk down the aisle.

About the author:

Michael Webb is the author of “1000 Questions For Couples” the most
comprehensive book of questions that all couples should ask before getting married.
Covering lovemaking, religion, careers, money, children & raising them,
household work, personalities, the future and much much more. To learn more,
visit: 1000 Questions For Couples

Maintaining a strong and healthy relationship isn’t always easy. Over time we sometimes forget that our sweetheart needs to be treated with all of the same respect and courtesy  as they did at the beginning of your relationship. If this is the case, it’s time for some spring cleaning of your relationship.

With our busy schedules we must to remember to take the time, every once in a while, to air out any reoccurring issues and to give praise where praise is due.  Remembering to do this will  keep you and your partner happy and will pay off in the long run.

There are four phases discussed in an interesting article found on articlesnatch.com that are key to putting your relationship in order just  like you would at spring cleaning time around the house.

Phase one involves spending quality time. Utilizing slices of time to devote to your partner. Phase two involves maintaining contact. Keeping the doors of communication open. Phase three involves dealing with issues. Identifying issues and more importantly finding resolution. Lastly, phase four involves developing harmony. Keeping your relationship happy, relaxing, not stressful, and always working to remain in agreement.

Just as in most of other aspects of life, leaving things unattended for too long may allow them to get dusty, stale or even ruined. Take the time dust off your relationship,  do a little spring cleaning and enjoy a happier rest of the year together.

There’s a lot of nervousness often associated with first dates, but it’s that nervousness that will tend to get you into trouble.  The reason some first dates don’t go so well is because one or both of the parties are nervous.  Before heading out the door, relax, take a hot shower; make sure to be ready well in advance to avoid being nervous.  Now that we’ve done that, here are a few dating tips for men:

- Take her somewhere unique – the location of the first date is just as important as the company.  You can make a good first impression by going out of the way to choose the location; you might even find that you’re less nervous if it’s somewhere foreign.

- Be punctual – don’t be late, and don’t be early either… okay, a little bit early is nice, but five minutes at the most.  But most important, don’t be late!  Show that you respect her time.

- Dress for the occasion – don’t worry so much about being underdressed, do worry about being overdressed because this could make her uncomfortable.