pRelationship

There’s a familiar relationship pattern commonly observed among people in which they move quickly into a new relationship or even romance after the old one dies (or, sometimes, while it’s still limping along). This new relationship is often referred to as  “on the rebound.”  Sad and brokenhearted, such a person finds a kindly soul who’s willing to offer a comforting shoulder, a esteem building compliment, an accepting embrace, or even a bed. The kindly soul offers support and relationship advice, believing that this will lead to healing, renewal, and love. And lo and behold, it does — but seldom with the kindly soul.  Often, the person who once seemed a source of comfort now becomes just a reminder of old pain and soon realizes they were just being used to soften the blow of the previous relationship. A happy new life begins — with a happy new partner, someone who wasn’t around for any of the bad old stuff and soon the relationship fades away because it had no real root in genuine love and concern.

If you’re fresh from a breakup, you can recognize this pattern for what it is, and choose to get your comfort from people who don’t want long-term love. If you’re tempted to play the role of the kindly soul, take two steps back and give the rebounder time and space to heal before expressing your interest.

Many couples find themselves challenged by the dynamics of a long distant relationship. They find themselves lost in the maze of trying to maintain and nurture the relationship from a distance yet maintain the freedom that a long distance relationship affords.  On the contrary, to some couples, “dating at a distance” is seen as the best of both worlds. They can live their lives without having to pay constant attention to the needs of a partner. Yet, the enjoy the luxury of having a person with whom they can connect periodically to get a regular dose of romance and fun.

After a while, this can be a double-edged sword, however.

Many couples in long distance relationships find it to be so much fun and, in a way, so low-impact on their day-to-day lives, that they soon become convinced that this relationship is obviously “the one.” And sometimes it is and sometimes it’s not but it’s hard to judge a relationship from a distance.

Perhaps no long distance relationship advice is more important than to be careful. Don’t overestimate a long distance relationship’s potential to translate into a regular relationship where you live in the same town, same home, and are headed towards long-term commitment.

The long distance relationship makes it easy to always be on one’s best behavior. Anyone can be accommodating, flexible, and attentive for a long weekend. This says little, in most cases, about how accommodating, flexible and attentive each party will be if you see each other every day, or even live in the same home.

So the best dating advice for long distance relationships is to always remember: a long distance romance is NOT real life. It can be a wonderful little bubble that floats through real life. Real life happens when you step outside that bubble to incorporate both your habits, idiosyncrasies, faults, families, jobs. Life becomes very different from what it was inside that bubble. Remember the saying “Only fools rush in”.