pRelationship

Many women are clueless when it come to understanding a man especially when he is quiet and has few words to say.  But when a man does open his mouth to talk it is imperative for the woman to know and understand what he is saying. If she doesn’t, chances are he will think twice before opening his mouth again and will turn into the dreaded “silent man” that most women are desperately trying to avoid. Here are a few relationship tips for women when it comes to understanding what a man means when he says things. It’s not all inclusive but gives some incite into the common responses men give and what they really mean.

1) He Says: “I don’t want to talk about it.”

This phrase could usually mean one of two things, depending on the situation.
Situation A: If you are attempting to convince him that your point of view is right and his is wrong, then his response means: I’m not going to agree with you right now, and if we don’t stop talking then we’re going to get into a
huge fight.”

Suggestion: Leave him alone for now. Unless your relationship depends on resolving this issue immediately, then bring it up later (next day).

If he’s upset, not at you or with you, but simply because he is having a bad day (i.e., a bad day a work, his car broke down, etc..), then the above response means: “It feels embarrassing that this is bothering me so much. I’m feeling out of control.”

Suggestion: Say this to him in a soft voice, “Are you sure?” and then wait. If he says that he does not want to discuss it, then wait a few moments and once again say, - “Are you sure?” Most of the time when you ask it a second time he’ll start opening up to you and (even better) he bond with you because you were soft and persistent.

2) He Says: “We should hang out sometime.”
He Means: “I’m not sure if I think you’re special enough to take a risk on inviting you out on a date. Let’s hang out as friends and see if I feel you are worthy of my time and attention.”

Suggestion: Don’t agree to this. Just smile at him without responding. That should be all the encouragement a man needs. Guys that are easily bored or impulsive want lots of assurances before they proceed to date a woman. They types of men, although often attractive to women, usually make terrible partners.

3) He Says: “That’s not what I meant.”
He Means: “You’re not listening to me.”

Suggestion: Listening is not the same as agreeing. If he doesn’t feel that you’re listening to him, then you have no chance in getting him to understand your point of view. Even though you may well have understood him, he does not necessarily know that. Often in a discussion or disagreement, one person who in fact may clearly understand the other, makes a quick counterpoint. That is fine if you are in a debate, but terrible for romance.

Suggestion: Slow it down. Make sure that you clearly convey that you’ve understood exactly what he is saying and then proceed (slowly). By doing this you’ll be able to determine if he is attempting to avoid responsibility, lying, or if he truly wants to resolve the issue.

Ever wonder why some people are easily noticed in a crowded room and some go totally unnoticed? This relationship tip for both women and men will get you noticed if you practice it on a regular basis.

I saw this story about Ian Ziering (from the popular 1990’s TV show 90210) that describes his first impression of his new wife.

They met at a Labor Day party at the Roosevelt Hotel in Hollywood in 2009. In a sea of $600 stilettos, $700 bikinis, $800 sunglasses and $900 hair extensions, Erin (his wife) walked in wearing flip-flops, a simple black bikini, Ray-Bans and a ponytail. He was totally mesmerized.

I was struck by what he said and what he didn’t. Most women would love to be noticed in a crowded room and have a man be instantly smitten. However, to accomplish this goal, women often focus on the wrong things. Perfect hair, perfect body, perfect smile, perfect… are you noticing a theme?

But when I (or someone else) suggests to a woman that there is more to attracting and keeping a man than simply being perfect, they smile and say, “I know, I know.” But they don’t believe me because of their bad experiences. In the past, some man has told them that if they weren’t so (overweight, talkative, controlling, needy, etc.), the relationship wouldn’t be ending. So they decide that the way they are - isn’t enough. What I mean by “enough” is that they believe that they are not pretty enough, skinny enough, confident enough and so forth.

It’s not true, you know. Being perfect will certainly get you more invitations and more men turning their heads to look at you, but that wasn’t the quality that Mr. Ziering noticed in his wife. You see, it wasn’t what she wore or the particular style of her hair. It was what came from within that made her outfit and her hairstyle so radiant. In fact, he noticed it so strongly that he married this woman 9 months after they met.

I’m also sure that you’ve probably experienced this yourself at least once in your life. Those times when it seemed every guy was interested in you. Or if you’re in a relationship, can you remember when your man couldn’t seem to get enough of you?  Wouldn’t you like to have that effect most of the time?     Guess what, you can, but here is the catch. This trait isn’t always easy to develop. It takes some practice. It doesn’t take forever; yet, it isn’t something you can develop in a day.

In fact, those women that struggle to obtain this magic usually have one thing in common. They’re impatient. They want it now. When it doesn’t work with every guy - every time they say, “This stuff doesn’t work.” Then they continue to wonder why the relationship they’ve always dreamed of never seems to show up in their lives.

I want to tell you that it can happen. But if you’d like things to be different, then you’ll have to do different things. Simply keeping the same habits and beliefs won’t change your circumstances. Additionally, keeping old habits absolutely won’t cause men to look at you the way Ian Ziering looked at his future wife. But if you want that kind of power, and I mean really want it, then it’s yours for the taking.

Let me show you how to put your heart first, and ahead of any man.  I’ll give you the tip that will cause men to look at you differently - if you agree to try it for at least 3 weeks.

Treat every guy/girl the same.

Be nice to the ugly guy/girl and the overweight one. Listen to the one who you think is boring and bald. Oh I know, he might just ask you out, but that is a problem you want to have. You see there is no magic formula for only attracting the man or woman you want. There is only the magic that attracts men and women. Those you want and those you don’t. You’ll end up turning down most of these invitations but something inside of you will begin to change.

Practice treating them all the same, and I promise that the ones you like will notice that you seem to have a content beauty that makes you stand out across a crowded room, even if you’re just wearing flip flops with your hair in a ponytail.

Give it a try for 3 weeks straight and report back with your results. You’ll be amazed.

I ran across a great article from one of my favorite media experts on relationships, Bob Grant.  It’s entitled “She Admires - He Cherishes”.  It really drives the point across about what REALLY turns a man’s fancy and what really makes a fulfilling relationship. Read and enjoy:

“What does a healthy relationship look like? Some people believe that this means that two people engaging in a mutually respectful relationship. On paper that may sound good. But to be honest, there’s no passion in that kind of safe and sterile relationship. A relationship that is full of passion has many characteristics. There is one in particular that I wanted to point out.”

Note, one  major key ingredient to a fulfilling relationship is passion.

“The best relationships don’t focus on equality, but rather on two people complimenting each other. This is like two pieces of a puzzle. Each one needs the other to be complete. If you want the type of man that makes you feel special most of the time, then I’d like to make a suggestion. Forget trying to get him to talk about his feelings all the time. Stop asking him questions that are designed to make him reaffirm his love for you. Instead, for the next few weeks focus on pointing out anything he does that you are impressed by.”

Note, the key is focusing on giving to get what you want.  Give him admiration and he will cherish you.

“Talk to him about anything that he does that you feel is special or kind. In other words, look for ways to show your admiration for him.If you do, you’ll stand out in his mind from any other woman he has every dated. And here is the reason why. Most women are very observant early on in a relationship because they tend to emote emotions. If you didn’t know, a man feeds off of that emotion, and for women it’s quite effortless to do this when she’s interested in a man. What happens in most relationships is that each partner begins to take the other for granted, and each wonders where the romantic spark went.”

Key Point!  Men feed off positive emotion. Especially when it’s in response to something they have done or something that relates to them.

“The truth is that relationships often die due to neglect. If you want to revive your relationship, try this. Whenever he does something you like, don’t just acknowledge it - show your emotions. I’m not asking you to lie or pretend you like something that you don’t, but I am saying this, “Don’t hold back your emotion when you like something he does.” When you show your admiration, he’ll be reminded why he pursued you at the beginning of your relationship. As those feelings get stirred up in his heart, you’ll soon see that he will want to cherish you all over again.”

Remember, show and tell and you’ll get and receive.