Talking The Talk In Relationships
As you have already discovered, there are different types of people and their type affects how they communicate. There are literal (black and white) people and then there are people who live in the gray areas. This post is just a quick reminder of the differences in two types of people, the Sensors and the Intuitives. It will hopefully give you some relationship tips and incite into how to effectively communicate with both types as you build your relationships.
The Literal person – The Sensor
When it comes to communication some people are literal, they are very specific in the way they talk. They want specific facts and specific answers that are to-the-point. They take things very literally and avoid speculation. They end sentences with a period. They tend to follow routines and schedules and are diligent to read instructions. One of the problems is that this person can be a little too detailed, they can’t see the forest for the trees.
The Not-So-Literal person – The Intuitive
The opposite of the literal person, the intuitive person can think and talk about several things at once. They don’t worry about being late: “If I’m not there, it hasn’t started yet.” They jump from one idea to another. They follow their hunches. They don’t read instructions unless absolutely necessary, (the last resort) and are more interested in generalities. They end sentences with a dash. Unfortunately this person can be a generalist and often can’t see the trees for the forest.
So which one are you and which one best describes your partner? It’s important to know so you will understand how best to communicate with your partner. Here are some simple tips.
The punctuation clue: A sensor can ask an intuitive, “Is that with a period or with a dash?” Sometimes an Intuitive can say something that they dont’ really mean or may change later and this question helps understand on-hold type answers and gives the intuitive more time to think about their statement.
The bottom line: The intuitive can learn to say to the sensor, “This is the bottom line.” This is the signal to the sensor that the intuitive has finally arrived at what the sensor was waiting for. This talks directly to the way the other understands. The sensor must also learn to relax and be patient through the long, winding answers from the intuitive as he or she makes their way to their point. Likewise, the intuitive must also learn to relax through long, detailed answers from the sensor and learn to appreciate the information they receive.
The rating scale: If a sensor’s answer seems bland or non-expressive to his or her intuitive, they can try asking how they would rate something on a scale of 1 to 10. Often it’s a little more expressive.
The shopping spree: Sensors, when shopping, usually call first and then go directly for what they need. Intuitives on the other hand are “grazers”. They tend to spend a lot of time browsing. The same is true in their speech. Sensors are normally prepared and have already decided on what they will say while intuitive are more likely to adlib and make it up as they go. So if you are a sensor you must understand that you partner the intuitive may take some time to arrive at what he or she is trying to say. It’s important not to take the first thing that comes out of their mouth as their opinion. Give them some time to formulate what they are saying before you jump to conclusions. On the other hand, intuitives should not be intimidated by the forcefulness and authority coming from the sensor’s reply. Many times they are just reciting the scripts that were written long in advance. Asking questions and being attentive will help you find their real feelings and opinions.
So be flexible and learn to adapt to the other’s style on conversation remembering not to go overboard in your own conversation style.
