12 Warning Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship

May 16, 2011
Author: KLTBrown

no-win-situationIt is so sad to hear stories of people trapped in an unhealthy relationship and they can’t seem to get out of for one of two reasons. 1) They don’t realize or accept that the relationship is unhealthy or 2) they don’t have the emotional strength or courage to break free thinking that if they stay there things will get better.  The truth is that they seldom do.  Usually an unhealthy relationship only gets progressively worse over time until the relationship totally dissolves. By this point the damage is already done to your emotional health, physical health, self esteem, and personal confidence.

The worst part of being in an unhealthy relationship is that everyone else can notice it’s negative effects on you before you do. No matter how much they hint around it and suggest that your relationship is not good for you or unhealthy, the more you go into denial. Many times people will stay in an unhealthy relationship just to prove others wrong. They say “Oh, he/she is not so bad.” “If you really knew him/her like I do, you would see they’re not bad people”.  The point is not that they are bad people, the point is that the relationship is bad for you.  Usually it takes a person to really hit a low point in their relationship before their eyes are opened to the damaging effects.

This is often even more pronounced when there is a dependence of the other person (whether its emotionally, financially, socially, physically, etc…) and you are focused on what the other person can do FOR you rather than what the relationship is doing TO you.  These type of unhealthy relationships are the hardest to break out of.

So, lets look at twelve relationship tips that address  some of the warning signs you should look for? We understand that no one is perfect,  but if you are experiencing some of the following dynamics in your relationship with your partner, you may be in an unhealthy relationship.

  • Controlling Behavior – They come on strong and quickly become jealous. Beware of someone who falls deeply in love with you instantly and insists on being with you at all times.  Pressing for an early commitment and wanting to know where you are all the time are signs of control issues.  Don’t be fooled by the myth that possessiveness and jealously is romantic and a sign of love, its a sign of controlling behavior.
  • Conforming Behavior – They want you to conform to them.  They criticize your ideas, belittle your feelings, and make you afraid to disagree. They discourage you from being yourself, but rather what they want you to be.
  • Isolating Behavior – They attempt to isolate you from friends, family,  activities and interests. They need to be involved and managing everything that you do.  You have to justify what you do, where you go, and who you see. They attempt to slowly gain control over all aspects of your life.
  • Psychotic Behavior – Their behavior is erratic, unpredictable, and mysterious. Unpredictable mood swings or behaviors. Dropping out of sight for periods of time, being frequently unavailable, being less than forthcoming about ways to contact them. These can be a sign of issues that interfere with forming lasting relationships or of someone with a hidden life such as addictions or even another relationship.
  • Disjointed Behavior – Their life doesn’t “jell.” A pattern of forgotten commitments, poor follow through, and missed deadlines can be signs of someone who will continue through life without ever “getting it together.”
  • Contradictory Behavior – They confuse you.  There is an inconsistency between what they say and what they do.  Perhaps you are being told what they think you want to hear or are trying to impress you.
  • Selfish Behavior – They are self centered.  If they are only thinking of themselves, they will ignore your thoughts and feelings. They will make all the decisions.  They will answer for you instead of letting you decide.  If you get cut off in the middle of a sentence, they obviously weren’t really listening. Take it as a warning, you don’t matter to them.
  • Abusive Behavior – They have no respect for other people and their feelings. They behave badly with others. Even if their behavior towards you is fine, if they treat others with abuse, dishonesty, disrespect or manipulation, its pretty likely your turn is coming. Abuse can be in the form of verbal, physical, emotional, or even psychological abuse.   Don’t stand for it. Respect yourself enough to not tolerate disrespect or abuse from anyone.
  • Irresponsible Behavior – They don’t take responsibility for their own actions. When ever things go wrong, it is because “they are idiots,”  “the rules are stupid,” or “the professor was out to get me.” They always portray themselves as the victim. If they can’t see how their own behavior contributed to the problem, eventually they will blame you for what is wrong.
  • Aggressive Behavior –  Their temper scares you.  Angry, jealous or controlling behavior will likely get more frightening or violent over time. If you get a hint of violent tendencies you better wake up and not wait around for it to happen. Once it happens its too late.
  • Manipulative Behavior – They force you to do things you don’t want to do. They pressure you to be more physically intimate than you are comfortable. They may pressure and manipulate you to get you in a situation where they have the upper hand. Remember, forced sexual contact is sexual assault and is illegal.
  • Alarming Behavior – Finally, learn to listen to your spider senses.  They will usually give you a feeling that something is wrong. If you sense you are in an unhealthy relationship and your internal alarms began to ring, you need to listen carefully to your inner voice, because that is an important clue that things may not be what they ought to be.

Hope it helps,

For additional relationship information or advice on how to get out of an unhealthy relationship visit our website at www.prelationship.com.

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